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Ron on the Campaign Trail 2000

From this section you can follow Ron as he campaigns across the country. April April 29 & 30 Ronatarian Party Convention Jersey City, NJ "Ronatarian National Convention" - Article May May 14 Local Church Function Trenton, NJ Ron denounces Religion, but not Jesus May 19-21 Scotts-Tuber Fest 2000 Scottsdale, AZ "The Sticky Kilt Issue" - Article May 25 Retired Nurses Miami, FL Ron speaks on labor May 30 PGA Tour Winners Tampa, FL Ron talks on the Living Wage June June 3 Redneck Hall Mobile, AL Ron speaks on Gays and Lesbians June 5 French Quarter New Orleans, LA...
Posted by Webmaster at November 8, 2000

Ron Loses!

Ron held out until the bitter end thinking the media was just covering up all the states that he should have won. "Not even New Jersey voted for me," Ron proclaimed as he smashed an empty Heinekin bottle on the floor, "and I place the blame squarely on the f---ing media!" "Surely, Ron would have made a great impression on the American public if only they knew he existed," Ronatarian Vice President candidate Brad stated, "we're firing Steve Bittle as our publicist. He did absolutely nothing for our campaign." Bittle was unavailable for comment. After Ron's loss, he was...
Posted by Ron at November 8, 2000

Revenge

San Jose, California: November 7, 2000 Ronatarian Party presidential candidate Ron and two of his aides were arrested after disrupting a Democratic rally on Monday night. Ron, campaign manager Ed Perrin, and "Ron Roadie" Mike Logothetis were cited for trespassing and resisting arrest Monday night, police Lt. Humphry Casanegro said. Democratic Senate incumbent Dianne Feinstein was giving a pro-Gore speech when the trio began yelling at her, police said. "I never saw nothing like it," said officer Seymore Butz. "The three of them started hooting and screaming obscenities. They also released a box full of moths...like the ones at...
Posted by Webmaster at November 7, 2000

Debate: Ron vs. Brad

Denver, CO: November 7, 2000 Ron and Brad squared off today in the first debate between President and Vice President candidates - ever. To rile things up, the media didn't even show up for the event, perhaps due to Ron and Brad's vehement abhorration towards the media due to lack of coverage in their campaign. The candidates were asked to answer each question in turn. The mediator was the young, vivacious Terry Hartzell. Terry: First question: tastes great, or less filling? Ron: Why the hell aren't there any camera men? What a bunch of suck bags! Are you telling...
Posted by Webmaster at November 7, 2000

The Little Voters

Taos, NM: November 5, 2000 Ron visited a group of 13 year old ballet students in Taos last Sunday to promote his views on under aged voters. "We're not going to stand for this sh-- anymore! The younger voters are getting discriminated against. Hell, a great percentage of my followers are only 13 and they can't even vote for me." Ron promised the children that if he was elected, penny candy would once again only cost a penny, bedtime and showering would be optional. Of all the children polled, all except for one said that they would vote for...
Posted by Webmaster at November 5, 2000

Amityville Horror Picture Show

Amityville, NY: October 31, 2000 George W. Bush and comedian Jay Leno both poked fun Monday at the Ronatarian Party candidate. And the Republican presidential candidate even donned a Brad Pope Halloween mask for added laughs. NBC's "The Tonight Show'' opened with a sequence in which the show's host was about to light a candle in a big Halloween jack-o-lantern. "You can't do that yet,'' Bush said. He then produced a black marker and painted a large, grotesque mustache above the pumpkin's carved mouth. "Now you can burn it in eulogy." "I think the word you want, governor, is...
Posted by Webmaster at October 31, 2000

Put Up A Stink

Washington, D.C.: October 29, 2000 Ron dismissed the rising concerns of Democrats who say his presidential bid could siphon enough votes from Al Gore to cost Gore the election, saying he would press on with his campaign against the "two corrupt political parties" no matter the outcome. "Both parties must feel the heat," the Ronatarian Party candidate said to the assembled press. "They're slobbering their way through one election after another, breaking one promise after another and thinking they can fool the American people. You can't make chicken salad out of chicken feathers!" In his rumpled navy blue suit...
Posted by Webmaster at October 29, 2000

Oh, the Humanity!

Atlanta, Georgia: October 21, 2000 The photo above depicts the damage done to the Ron tour bus shortly after sunset last Saturday in Georgia. John Tim, the new bus driver, accounts the details of what happened: "We were on our way to Six Flags Great Adventure where we were going to hand out candy to strange children. You see, Ron has this great idea to banish the backwards thinking which the government has forced into everybody's heads that it's wrong to accept candy from strangers. Hell, every kid in America has to live in fear of everybody they meet...
Posted by Webmaster at October 21, 2000

Screwy In St. Louie

October 17, 2000: St. Louis, MO Local supporters of the Ronatarian Party presidential ticket joined forces with their colleagues from across Missouri to protest the exclusion of their presidential candidate, Ron, from the debate held at Washington College in St. Louis. Ron commented, "People are getting angrier about the arrogance of the two major parties. Who do they think they are? Puff Daddy!?!" According to Ron, he has drawn the biggest and best crowds of any candidate -- 400 in Andover last month and 10-12 in London last Saturday. "The corporate-backed parties must not be allowed to silence a...
Posted by Webmaster at October 17, 2000

Abstinence Is Best

October 11, 2000: Winston-Salem, NC Moderator: "Is there any difference?" Gore: "I haven't heard a big difference right in the last few exchanges..." Bush: "Well, I think it's hard to tell." The code phrase for the second Presidential debate was "I agree". Well, Ron did not agree. Twelve times during the debate in Winston-Salem, North Carolina George W. Bush and Al Gore used a variant of the phrase "I agree with you". Twenty-eight more times they used other words to let the national television audience know they were in agreement on everything from foreign policy to trigger locks to...
Posted by Webmaster at October 11, 2000

Public Opposes Debate Lock-Out

Boston, Massachusetts: October 3, 2000 Ron called his exclusion from the presidential debates an "affront to democracy" and as "not giving me my props!" He cited a short list of mentally handicapped Americans from his campaign headquarters, and others from the world of politics, who have said that he should be given the chance to debate the major party candidates. This list includes: Chris Jones, Governor Jesse Ventura, former third-party presidential candidate John Anderson, "Amazing" Larry, Paul Reubens, Ted Nugent, Jackie Martling, and Phil Donahue. Polls have consistently shown support for having Ron, Ralph Nader, and "Nutty" Pat Buchanan...
Posted by Webmaster at October 3, 2000

Semper Ubi Sub Ubi

Andover, Massachusetts, September 28, 2000: All classes were cancelled for Ron's big speech at Phillips Academy, the high school of both former President George Bush Senior (class of 1942) and opponent George W. Bush (class of 1964). The campus was sectioned off with barbed wire, FBI agents, metal detectors, and snipers on the rooftops as Ron spoke before an audience of students, townsfolk, and aspiring wedding singers. Ron charmed the crowd with his infamous lip-sync of Milli Vanilli's Blame It On The Rain sung entirely in Latin before he moved on to topics like global warming and saving the...
Posted by Webmaster at September 28, 2000

Charlotte's Web

Charlotte, North Carolina: September 5, 2000 Ron was stuck in the Charlotte, North Carolina airport for a night on a leg of his Seattle, WA to Anchorage, AK flight in early September. "I can't believe they would delay a presidential candidate's plane...even for precautionary maintenance. I've got to campaign!" he was heard screaming to the airport's TCBY store attendant. With the city's hotels filled for the weekend's tobacco-sponsored NASCAR event, Ron was, in his own words, "screwed". His staff needed beds. Ron needed a bed and a nightlight. Heretofore unbeknownst to Ron, a small group of travelers bypass not...
Posted by Webmaster at September 5, 2000

It Doesn't Take A Rocket Scientist

Brigham City, Utah: August 5, 2000 Ron campaigned today in Brigham City, Utah, near the site of railroad's Golden Spike. A spike made possible by slave and prison labor. He blasting the modern corporate prison industry as well as the Clinton Administration and George W. Bush for encouraging its growth. International corporation Alcoa operates a 3,000-inmate facility in Brigham City known as the Thiokol Propulsion Headquarters. Speaking at Jimmy Osmond Hall this afternoon, Ron called the prison industry, and Thiokol itself, "one of the most ill-conceived ventures corporations have ever entered into." "The goal of the criminal justice system...
Posted by Webmaster at August 5, 2000

Ron Undercover with the Working Man

Easton, PA: July 11, 2000 Ron is not one to take his campaigning lightly. Recently, as shown in this rare photograph above, Ron made an under cover visit to a factory in rural Easton, Pennsylvania to find out for himself the working conditions and lifestyles of the average American. Disguised without his mustache and under the guise of "Ron the traveling lathe machinist", he slipped seamlessly into the working class of rural America. "Those guys were a bunch of nutbags," Ron explained, "but I really felt a deep sense of love and comradery.. like as if I was an...
Posted by Webmaster at July 11, 2000

Talking 'Bout My Transportation

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania: July 7, 2000 "Why should I care/If I have to cut my hair?" Those were the first words out of Pete Townshend's mouth at the Philadelphia stop on the Who's summer tour, and they hammered home the incongruity of the event. "Why should America care about its public transportation?" queried Ron to the press corps before the legendary rockers took the stage at Fidelity Hall. "I took the bus here," said Ron. "How did you come?" Unfortunately, the answer was obvious. The surrounding parking lots were overflowing with the cars that brought the fans, their alcohol, their...
Posted by Webmaster at July 7, 2000

A Horse Is A Horse, Of Course

Louisville, Kentucky: June 13, 2000 In the shadow of one of the grandest sites in the world of sport, Ron made a plea for the malnourished people of America. With the majestic spires of Churchill Downs, site of the Kentucky Derby, behind him, Ron delivered a speech to the people and for the people. "When in the course of dining," he began, "and there is not enough meat to be served, what are the poor to do? Go hungry?" "Once the fun here at the racetrack ends, and the cost of care and feeding for aging horses begins to...
Posted by Webmaster at June 13, 2000

This Ain't No Jambalaya!

New Orleans, Louisiana: June 5, 2000 Down in the "Big Easy", Ron found breathing the smog-filled air extremely difficult. He fought for air as noisy polluters spewed black smoke into the air and barges dumped industrial waste into the mighty Mississippi River. "Something has got to be done about this," Ron declared at a large gathering in the historic French Quarter. "I am gagging...to the max!" While presidential candidate George W. Bush vowed (in May) that he would "pave the streets of New Orleans in gold", Ron decided to best his rival. "I'm going to pave them in titanium!"...
Posted by Webmaster at June 5, 2000

The Sticky Kilt Issue

Scottsdale, AZ: May 19-21, 2000 Although Scottsdale calls itself "The West's Most Western Town," the city sure is prettier than the gritty West of a John Wayne movie. People have lived in the desert city for centuries. From 800-1400 A.D., Hohokam and Ronwelshen Indians farmed the area, using over 200 miles of sophisticated canals to irrigate the land. It was settled by Europeans at the turn of the 20th century and now has a population of 174,000. And there's plenty of fun things to do in the area: ski areas are to the north; the Sonoran desert is just...
Posted by Webmaster at May 21, 2000

2000 Ronatarian National Convention

Jersey City, NJ: April 29-30, 2000 Ron was cheered by hordes of followers at the Ronatarian National Convention where he proudly accepted his nomination as the official candidate for the Ronatarian Party by an overwhelming vote of 100%. No others even competed for the position. In fact, the Ronatarian Party was spontaneously founded on the first day of the convention, by Ron, after a pub crawl in Jersey City, New Jersey. Truly, it was fate which brought Ron into the spotlight. Who could have known that the admiration of a random group of drunken Irishmen at a common bar...
Posted by Webmaster at April 30, 2000

Ron's Tour Bus

A close up shot of Ron's tour bus. These are some of the people Ron picked up for his campaign while on the road. At the campaign headquarters in Jersey City, NJ. Ron stops to surf in Miami on some huge waves....
Posted by Webmaster at January 17, 2000
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