Poem

The Function!

I woke up this morning with a pain in my head
I looked in the mirror
I wasn't yet dead
My scary reflection said I was unwell
Was I drunk or sick
I really couldn't tell
Last night's function wasn't all that grand
But I woke up with a sharp pain
In my right hand
I didn't really drink that much although I did fall down
But I wasn't drunk honestly
Just acting the clown
I seem to remember a goldfish in a bowl
And I think I drank the water
And swallowed goldie whole
It's not all that disgusting a bit like Sushi in a drink
And I'm telling you for nothing
I don't care what people think
The lipstick on my collar could suggest a little romp
But my blue and black left eye
Suggests I may have copped a thump
Oh yes now I remember that gorgeous young brunette
And her boyfriend the boxer
And his shiny red Corvette
I think I sung a song or two for all the special guests
But from what I can remember
Not a single soul impressed
Then again the Sex Pistols are not for everyone
By the time I'd finished singing
The old Minister had gone
Now I know I should remember what this party was about
And I'm feeling rather guilty
Of this there is no doubt
It is known to all and sundry that I like to do my thing
Oh god now I remember
Yesterday was ......My Wedding.

- Amin Sane (@ funnypoets.com)

Poem

Good rule of thumb for gauging the success
of a bachelor party: If the wedding is still
on afterwards, it could have been better.

(Scott E. Frank) @ruminate.com

Poem

I am the quintessential stay-at-home dad.
Mostly because of my electronic ankle monitor.

(Wayne Lloyd) @ruminate.com

Poem

My parents always said I'd end up
unemployed and living in their basement.
Well, I guess I showed them! By the way,
thanks for the cookies and milk, Aunt Mary!

(Mystic7) @ruminate.com

Poem

Two hours of Internet porn and online sex left
me screaming with orgasm after orgasm -- until
that bitch librarian told me to keep it down.

(Jill Gallagher) @ruminate.com

Poem

There once was a nerd name of Ron
Who by his friend Eddie was drawn.
If he looks like his sketch
He's a horrible wretch!
And most likely better off gone.