Poem

I think I learned a couple of valuable life
lessons that night. One: The old adage about
setting your sights on something and just grabbing
for it doesn't necessarily apply in strip clubs.
Two: Metal toilets are cold.

(Tristan Fabriani) @ruminate.com

Poem

It never fails: Whenever I try to get romantic
with a woman, I always start crying uncontrollably.
I guess pepper spray will do that to ya.

(Paul B.) @ruminate.com

Poem

One reason I hate having beer around
the house is because of the kids. Every
few minutes, it's "Are we drunk yet?"

(Jerry L. Embry) @ruminate.com

Poem

You know, you can say what you like about the
Amish. That's my favorite thing about them.

(Anthony Myers) @ruminate.com

Poem

There once was a fellow McSweeny
Who spilled some gin on his weenie
Just to be couth
He added vermouth
Then slipped his girlfriend a martini

Poem

Why bother studying the candidates and
their positions? By the time you’re drunk
enough to *want* to vote, you can’t read
the names next to the little boxes anyway.

(Jedediah I. Knight) @ruminate.com

Poem

Hangovers are temporary; memories
are forever. Unless you were too
drunk to remember them, that is.

(Brian Tobin) @ruminate.com

Poem

My girlfriend came up to me the other day and
introduced me to one of her male friends, and at
first I didn't mind, since I'm not the jealous type.
I just wish she hadn't started calling him "Sweetie"
and living with him and having his kids and marrying
him and stuff. It's really starting to make
me wonder if she wants a future with me or not.

(Derek Maness) @ruminate.com

Poem

If running around town naked, screaming at
tourists and throwing feces at them as
"Monkey Man, the Simian Defender of Justice"
is wrong, then, baby, I don't wanna be right!

(Bob Roth) @ruminate.com

Poem

Thomas Wolfe was wrong, you can go home again.
In fact, sometimes it's strongly encouraged,
like when you forget to wear pants to work.

(The Covert Comic) @ruminate.com

Poem

Not drunk is he who from the floor
Can rise alone and still drink more;
But drunk is he who prostrate lies
Without the power to move or rise.

Thomas Love Peacock