Poem

I thought about getting a bidet, but
decided it was cheaper and just as
efficient to do a handstand in the shower.

(Pamela Rice Hahn) @ruminate.com

Poem

As I stood in line screaming in terror
while the cashier handed me two quarters,
one dime and a nickel, I was hit with a
sad realization: I was afraid of change.

(Paul B.) @ruminate.com

Poem

I realized too late that when I told my
wife I may give her something exotic I
picked up on my business trip to Thailand,
she probably thought I meant a gift.

(Wiley) @ruminate.com

Poem

While I was on Spring Break, a random girl
on the beach showed me her boobs. I was very
pleased with myself until I realized I could
have saved nearly $1000 by blowing off the week
in Florida and just getting a lapdance instead.

(Tim Grebos) @ruminate.com

Poem

One Man's Fish

One man's fowl
Is another man's fish
A skinny girl, that's
My ideal dish
I like them thin
And I like them lean
Because it takes a waif
To keep me keen
A skinny girl that's
My ideal treat
For the nearer the bone
The sweeter the meat

- Paul Curtis

Poem

I still think one of mankind's greatest
inventions is that little brown strip
that appears in the bottom of my underwear
to tell me when it's time to wash them.

(Michael F.) @ruminate.com

Poem

It's never encouraging when you
ask your parents to tell you about
when you were born and they simply
reply, "Mistakes were made...."

(Brad Simanek) @ruminate.com

Poem

My mother always said, "Why buy the cow
when you can just marry a hot girl, knock her
up and get her lactating and hey, free milk!"

(Ross Brown) @ruminate.com

Poem

Word to the wise: If it involves a meat
thermometer and your rectum, it's
probably not a real teleportation device.

(Brad Simanek) @ruminate.com

Poem

If Mother's Day brings out flower-sellers on
every corner, why is no one on the curb on
Father's Day, selling porn, beer and power tools?

(Dan Weckerly) @ruminate.com