This is some of Brad's favorite poetry. We'd like to thank Ruminate.com for giving us permission to continue publishing a lot of the brilliant poetry found here.

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Poem

Women are hard to figure out.
They love lingerie and they
love garage sales, but they
don't seem to like getting
garage-sale lingerie as a gift.

(Brad Osberg) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at September 6, 2006

Poem

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas --
unless it leaves you disease-ridden,
pock-marked and with your left leg in a cast,
courtesy of a guy named Vinny. At that point,
it's pretty much following you home.

(Phil Garding) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at August 27, 2006

Poem

What others might see as "buying my
girlfriend a lap dance at the male
strip club," I prefer to think of
as simply "out-sourcing my foreplay."

(Richard Skora) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at August 23, 2006

Poem

You know that unwritten rule that you avoid
the urinal right next to someone who's peeing?
Just to clarify: It means you go to one farther
away, not try to share the one the guy's using.

(Randy Lee) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at August 15, 2006

Poem

My wife and I were discussing whether cats or
dogs have better lives and she decided cats
do, because they can do whatever they want
and still get lots of attention and affection.
I, on the other hand, decided dogs have better
lives, because they get to shit in the yard.

(Tidewater Joe) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at August 9, 2006

Poem

For me, the hardest part of breaking up
with a girl is convincing her we were
actually dating in the first place.

(Nick Smith) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at August 7, 2006

Poem

Following surgery I had a near-death
experience, but ultimately convinced my
raging wife the nurse was merely checking
my blood pressure "the old fashioned way."

(Tidewater Joe) @ruminate.vom

Posted by Ron's Dentist at August 3, 2006

Poem

You had me at "filthy rich nymphomaniac
former Playmate daughter of a brewery owner."

(Lee Entrekin) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at August 2, 2006

Poem

Once, I was lost in the wilderness, and
I was forced to eat a dog to survive!
Later I realized I was just in the back
yard, but boy, was my mom pissed!

(C. Rostan) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at July 27, 2006

Poem

I just discovered the biggest difference
between dogs and cats: Dogs hump stuff.

(Skywalker) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at July 25, 2006

Poem

Always be wary of someone who brings a spoon
to a knife fight. That means they're either
crazy or really good at killing people with
spoons, both of which you usually want to avoid.

(John Gephart) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at July 24, 2006

Poem

The good news: My new manager has
humongous tits. The bad news: He
yells at me for staring at them.

(Nick Smith) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at July 13, 2006
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