This is some of Brad's favorite poetry. We'd like to thank for giving us permission to continue publishing a lot of the brilliant poetry found here.


'Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat

The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook

Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube

When out on the lawn there arose such a cry
That I lost my boner and poor Momma went dry

Up to the window I sprang like an elf
Tore back the shade while she played with herself

The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt

When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer

With a fat little driver, half out of his sled
A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head

Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right

Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz
Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts

Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree
Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee

They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub
Just as Santa leaned out and barfed on my shrub

And then from the roof we heard such a clatter
As each little reindeer now emptied its bladder

I was donning my jacket to cover my ass
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash

His suit was all smelly with perfume galore
He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore

That was some brothel, he said with a smile
The reindeer are pooped, I'll just stay here awhile

He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink

I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee

Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed

The first thing he found was a pair of false tits
The next was a handgun with a penis that spits

A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find
And a sixpack of panties, the edible kind

A bra without nipples, a penis extension
And several other things that I shouldn't even mention

A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil
A dildo so long, it lay in a coil

This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit
So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split

He filled every stocking and then took his leave
With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve

He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead
Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead

In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch
Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!

The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout
The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!


Posted by Bittle at December 24, 2016