This is some of Brad's favorite poetry. We'd like to thank Ruminate.com for giving us permission to continue publishing a lot of the brilliant poetry found here.

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Poem

I'm against so-called technological advancement.
For example, it was a sad, sad day when transistors
replaced telephone switchboard operators, because chips
don't have breasts that jiggle up and down as they
raise their arms to plug in the connection wires.

(Michael Cunningham) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at February 3, 2005

Poem

It's better to be a red person in a blue state
than a blue person in a red state. As a red
person, if your blue neighbors turn into a mob
at least you have a gun to protect yourself.
As a blue person, your only hope is to appease
the red mob with herbal tea and marinated tofu.

(Phil Garding) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at January 30, 2005

Poem

I was pretty impressed that Jesus fed the masses
from only five loaves and two fishes until I went to
Communion and saw what He considers a serving size.

(Marsha Clodfelter) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at January 25, 2005

Poem

The only reason all those anti-drug bills
keep getting passed is because most of us
pro-drug people are too messed up to vote.

(Bill Fluharty) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at January 17, 2005

Poem

For Christmas, I gave my wife a perfume
that smells like rum-scented vomit.
Considering that's what her clothing ends
up smelling like after we go out anyway,
I figured I'd just save us both some time.

(Brad Simanek) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at January 11, 2005

Poem

This year I once again got drunk at the office
Christmas party and once again, I ended up
making photocopies of my flabby, naked butt.
So now I'm making a New Year's Resolution:
I'm going to hit the gym more often this year
so my ass will look better by next Christmas.

(Brad Wilkerson) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at January 5, 2005

Poem

There I was, holding up a bank,
three people already dead and
the bomb ticking away in the back
room, when it suddenly hit me...
Santa was watching the whole thing!

(Jerry L. Embry) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at December 20, 2004

Poem

So there I was, in the bus station restroom,
when I got this great idea for a novel. It's
about a girl who's sitting there, broken-hearted,
waiting for some guy to call her for a good time.

(Mike Cunningham) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at December 14, 2004

Poem

I obeyed my dog's orders when he
instructed me to kill those people.
But I'm putting my foot down regarding
his command to drink out of the toilet.

(Miles Walker) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at December 13, 2004
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