Croquet Ain't For Sissies

Calgary, Canada: May 30, 2002 Three men were sent to the hospital after being hit with mallets and nine people were arrested following a vicious brawl between croquet and softball players in this western Canadian city. One man was in a hospital trauma center with life-threatening head injuries following the melee at a Calgary, Alberta athletic field, police and paramedics said on Wednesday. Alcohol was said to be a factor. "I didn't realize croquet was a contact sport," said Det. Dean Vegso of the Calgary police. The incident began late Tuesday when a softball team, which had just wrapped...

Inflatable Bittle

March 26, 2002: Jersey City, New Jersey A northern New Jersey man suspected of murder after he was seen carrying what a neighbor thought was a dead Bittle into his house was cleared after he showed police his collection of rubber sex and Bittle dolls. A police spokeswoman said Tuesday the neighbor called to say he saw the man--identified as former Ronatarian presidential candidate Ron--carrying a "corpse" into the abode. Police responding to the call found the suspect to be "surprised, ornery, and disturbed" by their questions at first. "When the officers then told Ron they were investigating a...

Chocolate Cigarettes

March 25, 2002: London, England Prince Charles, heir to the British throne, is selling his own brand of luxury chocolate Easter eggs, the Mirror reported on Saturday. The prince's organic chocolate confections have gone on sale at London's swanky Fortnum & Mason's grocery store for $43 each. The 14 oz. eggs, made from dark Belgian chocolate, are being sold by the prince's natural food company, Duchy Originals, with all proceeds going to charity. Each egg will be embossed with the prince's crest and will also be sold over the Internet. "This is a luxury egg for serious chocoholics," Duchy...

Fish Fight

March 7, 2002: Madeira Beach, Florida A New Jersey vacationer, in Florida on a fishing trip, was recovering on Friday after being stabbed with the bill of a swordfish during a fight with another man, a sheriff's spokeswoman said. Police arrested former Ronatarian presidential candidate Ron and vice-presidential candidate Brad on Thursday after the two men allegedly started fighting near a dock in Madeira Beach, a small city on Florida's Gulf Coast. Police said that after Brad hit Ron in the head with a beer bottle and left, Ron went to Brad's hotel room and stabbed him in the...