Inflatable Bittle

March 26, 2002: Jersey City, New Jersey A northern New Jersey man suspected of murder after he was seen carrying what a neighbor thought was a dead Bittle into his house was cleared after he showed police his collection of rubber sex and Bittle dolls. A police spokeswoman said Tuesday the neighbor called to say he saw the man--identified as former Ronatarian presidential candidate Ron--carrying a "corpse" into the abode. Police responding to the call found the suspect to be "surprised, ornery, and disturbed" by their questions at first. "When the officers then told Ron they were investigating a...
Posted by Webmaster at March 26, 2002

Chocolate Cigarettes

March 25, 2002: London, England Prince Charles, heir to the British throne, is selling his own brand of luxury chocolate Easter eggs, the Mirror reported on Saturday. The prince's organic chocolate confections have gone on sale at London's swanky Fortnum & Mason's grocery store for $43 each. The 14 oz. eggs, made from dark Belgian chocolate, are being sold by the prince's natural food company, Duchy Originals, with all proceeds going to charity. Each egg will be embossed with the prince's crest and will also be sold over the Internet. "This is a luxury egg for serious chocoholics," Duchy...
Posted by Ron at March 25, 2002

Fish Fight

March 7, 2002: Madeira Beach, Florida A New Jersey vacationer, in Florida on a fishing trip, was recovering on Friday after being stabbed with the bill of a swordfish during a fight with another man, a sheriff's spokeswoman said. Police arrested former Ronatarian presidential candidate Ron and vice-presidential candidate Brad on Thursday after the two men allegedly started fighting near a dock in Madeira Beach, a small city on Florida's Gulf Coast. Police said that after Brad hit Ron in the head with a beer bottle and left, Ron went to Brad's hotel room and stabbed him in the...
Posted by Webmaster at March 7, 2002

My Way

February 19, 2002: Manila, Philippines A New Jersey man was attacked and his compatriot seriously wounded after they sarcastically applauded a student for singing Frank Sinatra's classic "My Way" off-key, according to a newspaper report. The victims have been identified as former American presidential and vice-presidential running mates Ron and Brad (Ronatarian Party). Both have been stabilized at a U.S. base hospital. Details have been withheld to protect those involved. The 21-year-old student felt insulted when the pair clapped after he sang the song at a karaoke parlor in downtown Manila, the reports said Tuesday. Reasons are numerous and...
Posted by Webmaster at February 19, 2002