Pay the Piper

October 29, 2001: Newark, NJ Two men who threw beer bottles at a woman in a car paid the price on Friday -- they had to parade through the center of their hometown dressed as women. Former presidential candidate Ron and one time running mate Brad walked around downtown Newark for an hour Friday afternoon wearing dresses, wigs, and makeup. Mosquito-Swamp County Municipal Judge David X. Hostetler passed the sentence on Oct. 18, telling the men they could either comply with his order or go to jail for 60 days after being convicted of criminal damage. He also fined...
Posted by Webmaster at October 29, 2001

Metal Free Bra

October 21, 2001: Tokyo, Japan "The Japanese have done it!" exclaimed Ron from a barber's chair in northern New Jersey. "Technology and lingerie have finally merged and the results are marvelous!" he said from the World's-A-Part hair salon in Newark. A Japanese firm is launching a metal-free bra in response to tighter airport security procedures worldwide following last month's attacks on the United States, Kyodo news agency reported Friday. Triumph International (Japan) Ltd. said it had decided to develop the bra because the tiny metallic fasteners on more usual brassieres had been triggering alarms on airport security detectors, Kyodo...
Posted by Webmaster at October 21, 2001

Transtesticle Moose

September 24, 2001: Whitehorse, Yukon Ron, the Ronatarian Party's presidential candidate, got the surprise of his life last week when the supposed bull moose he shot turned out to be not a male, nor a female, but both. "Ron shot it, thinking it was a bull, or perhaps Lyndon LaRouche's sister, Lynda. When he got closer, he saw that things weren't as they should have been, or as he expected," Todd Danciak, a moose biologist for the Yukon government, said on Friday. "It was a hermaphroditic moose. It was a female with antlers," said Ron, who added he had...
Posted by Webmaster at September 24, 2001

Ron n' Selleck

August 28, 2001: Rio de Janeiro, Brazil Former U.S. presidential candidate Ron gave tourists visiting Rio de Janeiro's picturesque beaches something else to gawk at on Monday when he went bikini shopping with American actor Tom Selleck. A gaggle of photographers, beachgoers, and security men followed Ron and Selleck, famous for his role of Thomas Magnum on "Magnum P.I.", along the trendy Panema beach promenade. Brazilian television showed Ron -- clad in Bermuda shorts, sneakers, and a T-shirt reading "Ron Rocks Rio!" -- knocking a volley ball around and admiring a sand sculpture as passersby stared. But the high...
Posted by Webmaster at August 28, 2001