Tattoo Convention

September 17, 2001: Los Angeles, CA The attacks that shocked America sparked old-fashioned patriotism this weekend as people lined up to have the American flag inked into their arms at the world's largest tattoo and body-piercing convention. On Hollywood's famed Sunset Strip, American flags were flown on cruising cars, draped across the front of the Palladium convention hall and featured in the most talked-about tattoos at the 10th annual Inkslinger's Ball, a raucous gathering to which thousands of "body art" practitioners come to see and be seen. "It's one thing to fly a flag at home and another to...

Pay the Piper

October 29, 2001: Newark, NJ Two men who threw beer bottles at a woman in a car paid the price on Friday -- they had to parade through the center of their hometown dressed as women. Former presidential candidate Ron and one time running mate Brad walked around downtown Newark for an hour Friday afternoon wearing dresses, wigs, and makeup. Mosquito-Swamp County Municipal Judge David X. Hostetler passed the sentence on Oct. 18, telling the men they could either comply with his order or go to jail for 60 days after being convicted of criminal damage. He also fined...

Metal Free Bra

October 21, 2001: Tokyo, Japan "The Japanese have done it!" exclaimed Ron from a barber's chair in northern New Jersey. "Technology and lingerie have finally merged and the results are marvelous!" he said from the World's-A-Part hair salon in Newark. A Japanese firm is launching a metal-free bra in response to tighter airport security procedures worldwide following last month's attacks on the United States, Kyodo news agency reported Friday. Triumph International (Japan) Ltd. said it had decided to develop the bra because the tiny metallic fasteners on more usual brassieres had been triggering alarms on airport security detectors, Kyodo...

Transtesticle Moose

Whitehorse, Yukon, Canada, September 24, 2001: Ron, the Ronatarian Party's presidential candidate, got the surprise of his life last week when the supposed bull moose he shot turned out to be not a male, nor a female, but both. "Ron shot it, thinking it was a bull, or perhaps Lyndon LaRouche's sister, Lynda. When he got closer, he saw that things weren't as they should have been, or as he expected," Todd Danciak, a moose biologist for the Yukon government, said on Friday. "It was a hermaphroditic moose. It was a female with antlers," said Ron, who added he...