The Defiant Spoilers

November 8, 2000 Three up. Three down. These are the results of the three most recognizable third party candidates in the 2000 Presidential election. Undeterred in his campaign run, Pat Buchanan says he will keep moving his adopted Reform Party to the right even though his failed candidacy denies the party millions of dollars in federal matching funds for the 2004 presidential elections. Buchanan, who received less than 1 percent of Tuesday's vote, said the party's major planks will include support for a ban on abortion, opposition to free-trade agreements, curbs on salmon spawning, and an "America First" foreign...
Posted by Webmaster at November 8, 2000

Dog Bite

November 8, 2000 A New Jersey man who bit his dog as part of a "primal" training regime has been ordered to stand trial on felony charges of animal cruelty. Recent Presidential candidate Ron allegedly forced his 80-pound Labrador puppy "Squeaky" to the ground on two separate occasions to administer nips to the neck as part of an unorthodox discipline system. "Nothing here was cruel or hurtful," Ron's attorney, Chris Jones, told Tuesday's New Jersey Spew after a judge ordered Ron to stand trial on the charges. "My client in fact has French kissed his dog. My client is...
Posted by Webmaster at November 8, 2000

Bradpotence

November 2, 2000 A man who says his picture was used in an advertisement for impotence has sued a hospital and a newspaper claiming his image was used without his consent. Ronatarian vice presidential candidate Brad accuses the Northridge, California-based Potency Recovery Center and the Los Angeles Times of "oppression, fraud or malice". He is seeking $750 for every unauthorized publication of his picture, according to the lawsuit filed in Los Angeles Superior Court on Monday. The Los Angeles Times has a daily circulation of 1,111,785. Brad claims that his photograph was featured prominently in the ad for the...
Posted by Ron at November 2, 2000

Ronsketball

November 2, 2000 As a rabble-rousing, damn-the-corporations candidate for president, Ron knows how to throw heat. Unfortunately for Ron, he left his best stuff on the campaign trail when he stepped on the mound at New York's Shea Stadium in July and pitched batting practice to the Mets for five minutes. One of Ron's tosses nailed Mets' utility man Joe McEwing in the hip. McEwing responded by hitting one of Ron's pitches back up the middle, nearly punishing Ron, who failed to hide behind the screen. "That all you got, 'Joe Schmo'?" Ron asked, laughing.   "You gonna take back...
Posted by Webmaster at November 2, 2000