Train Rash

Fargo, North Dakota, September 22, 2008: Police say a man who wanted his picture taken next to a moving train suffered "train rash" but no serious injuries when he got too close to the train. Police Sgt. Jeff Skuza said the mustached man and two friends were in Fargo for a conference. He said they went around the security gates at a train crossing so he could have his picture taken. Police records indicate that the man is none other than Ronatarian presidential candidate Ron. Skuza said Ron thought the picture would be better if he got closer to...

Mustaches for Kids

Washington, D.C., September 21, 2008: Mustaches for Kids, everybody's favorite mustache-related charity, is making it's triumphant return to the nation's capital for its second growing season. "Mustaches for Kids," you ask? Yes. Well, technically money for kids. Sick kids. Money that comes from you growing a mustache. This year, M4K DC will grow mustaches to raise money for the city's Children’s National Medical Center. The D.C. branch joins other M4K outfits across the country, which have raised over $130,000 for children with terminal illnesses since 1999. Last year, thanks to 15 brave mustacheod men and their friends' wallets, M4K...

Wedding Belles

Los Angeles, California, September 14, 2008: George Takei and his longtime partner, Brad Altman, have agreed to live long and prosper together. Takei, 71, and Altman, 54, were married Sunday in a multicultural ceremony at the Japanese American National Museum that featured a Buddhist priest, Native American wedding bands, a Japanese Koto harp and a bagpipe procession. The couple, both clad in white dinner jackets with black pants, made a grand entrance to the tune of "One Singular Sensation" from the Broadway musical "A Chorus Line." They stepped into a circle of yellow roses and lilies, where they shared...

Sausage Assault

Jersey City, New Jersey, September 10, 2008: Authorities say they've arrested a man who broke into the home of two New Jersey politicians, stole money, rubbed one with spices, and whacked the other with a sausage before fleeing. Hudson County sheriff's Lt. Randall Simon says 22-year-old Antonio Vasquez was found hiding in a nearby alley wearing only a T-shirt, boxers, and socks after the Tuesday morning attack. Simon says deputies arrested Vasquez after finding a wallet containing his ID in the ransacked house. The politicians, who are affiliated with the Ronatarian Party, called police immediately following the attack. Presidential...