Circular Logic

Trenton, New Jersey, August 19, 2008: You've heard of e-mail spam -- now a New Jersey politician wants to do something about menu spam, the unwanted menus and circulars that have a way of appearing on city doorsteps and under doors. Despite not holding an elected office, Ronatarian Party leader Ron is pushing legislation that would make it illegal to distribute menus, circulars, and fliers to homes and apartment buildings that display a sign indicating promotional materials are unwanted. As yet, no sitting state legislator has offered to champion the proposal. Ron's bill calls for a fine of at...

Stiff as Cardboard

Newark, New Jersey, August 15, 2008: Secret Service agents have questioned a Jersey City man about a display in his front yard featuring a cardboard cutout of President Bush with a knife through his head. Ronatarian Party leader Ron said he was grilled for about 90 minutes by two agents who asked about his personal history and his political views. They also asked him to allow access to his barber and medical records, he said. The cutout also shows painted blood running over the president's eyes and down the bridge of his nose. Ron said the federal agents asked...

Cleveland Rocks

Cleveland, Ohio, August 13, 2008: A Cleveland clothing store wants to make sure its customers are comfortable, so it has opened a bar in the middle of its sales floor. M. Lang Executive Attire owner Mike Lang said he hopes the cash bar will not only help put shoppers in a relaxed mood to buy clothing but also will encourage people to hang out at the shop with their friends. The unique idea resonated with New Jersey politician Ron, who is a 2008 presidential candidate. "This is what I'm talkin' about," said a visibly joyous Ron. "These are the...

Cliff-ball

Big Sur, California, August 7, 2008: A politician is nursing only cuts and bruises after sliding 250 feet down a cliff on California's coast. Presidential candidate Ron of Jersey City, New Jersey, had been tossing a football with friends Wednesday at a traffic pullout perched 400 feet above the Pacific. After a stray toss, he climbed over the edge to retrieve the football. Monterey County Sheriff's Sgt. Garrett Sanders says Ron "just started sliding." A sheriff's team rappelled down, strapped Ron to a harness and helped him scale the cliff. Ben was treated for a gash to his face...