Headline from The Onion

This is a captioned photo from The Onion dated February 7, 2008: Eli Manning Finishes Super Bowl With Thick, Bushy Moustache If this isn't an endorsement for a leader from Northern New Jersey with a mustache, I don't know what is....

Dumpster Diver

Newark, New Jersey, February 5, 2008: A man who awoke inside a garbage truck that was about to compact its load was rescued after making a frantic cell phone call to police, authorities say. The man -- identified as Ronatarian Party presidential candidate Ron -- was scavenging for bottles Monday when he fell asleep in a dumpster, said police Lt. Mike Pousak. Ron is not a narcoleptic and police expect alcohol had a hand in this latest escapade. Ron awoke when the container was unloaded into a truck. He told police he didn't know which truck he was in...

Side Order of Sidewinder

Jersey City, New Jersey, January 30, 2008: Ronatarian Party leader Ron was a little rattled by something he says he found in a can of green beans: a snake head. The long-shot presidential candidate said he found the inch-long head on his plate Tuesday night, right between a chicken breast and buttered noodles. He said it came out of the green bean can. "When I sat down, I noticed something didn't look right," Ron told The New Jersey Spew. "It didn't look like a green bean." Ron said he called the Pathmark store where he bought the beans, and...

Someone's Been Sleeping in Ron's Bed

Jersey City, New Jersey, January 22, 2008: Maybe this intruder should have had a good night's sleep. Police say a man returned to his house last week to find an intruder napping in his bed. The accused burglar, Mark William, didn't wake up until police placed handcuffs on him while he was snoozing. Police say the victim -- identified as local politico Ron -- came home at 7:30 a.m. after a bender to find William asleep in his bed. He drunk-dialed the police. Authorities say William, who goes by the nickname "Weasel," jammed a chair to the back entrance...

Family Guy's Ode to the Mustache

The episode of Fox Television's Family Guy aired Sunday January 13, 2008 was an ode to the excellence of growing a mustache. This is an obvious overture to the greatness of Ron and his famous mustache. Is it a coincidence that this episode aired during the 2008 presidential primaries? We here at Ron4President.com think not. "It's a mustache kind of morning." "I watched the sunrise in my jeans, jeans shirt, and jeans jacket." "I am part of a very special community. People with mustaches look out for each other." "With great mustache comes great responsibility." "I'm not living my life...