Restroom Break

White Plains, New York, January 9, 2008: A man who was apparently worried about a random drug test asked vice presidential candidate Brad at a mall for a urine sample. White Plains Police say Marcos Delacruz, 42, was charged with attempted evasion and endangering the welfare of Brad. He was arrested several hours after the incident in the men's room at the mall on Tuesday. Deputy Public Safety Commissioner Daniel Jackson said Delacruz took the sample to his appointment with his probation officer. A curious Brad was flattered by Delacruz's initial interest in him, but grew wary after several...
Posted by Bittle at January 9, 2008

Two Man Turns

Jackson, Wyoming, January 4, 2008: Everyone's heard of a bicycle built for two, but how about a two-person snowboard? Ronatarian Party presidential candidate Ron built one and recently teamed up with his running mate Brad to make some two-man turns down the Teewinot run at Jackson Hole Mountain Resort. They did it for a television crew and the Guinness Book of World Records. It can only help to promote their political campaign. "It seemed initially like going down a mountain in a canoe without a paddle, but after taking a few runs, a light went on," Brad said. "You're...
Posted by Bittle at January 4, 2008

Playboy Shout-Out

A nod to Ron's famous mustache in the November 2007 issue of Playboy. Could a presidential endorsement from Hugh Hefner be far behind?...
Posted by Bittle at January 2, 2008

Doh! A Deer!

Jersey City, New Jersey, December 21, 2007: A man subdued a deer that ran through the front picture window of his house. Ronatarian Party leader Ron wrestled the beast to the floor in the living room, and carried it out through the garage door, when Hudson County Animal Control officers took over. "My couch is ruined," said Ron's room- and running-mate Brad. He had to clean blood off his computer, coffee table, and ornamental tea set after the ordeal. Ron was in the garage working on his famed Camaro when the deer entered the house though a hole no...
Posted by Bittle at December 21, 2007

Feline Jihad

Jersey City, New Jersey, December 19, 2007: Police are investigating after a man wrote about launching a "feline jihad" to rid his Jersey City suburb of stray cats. Ronatarian Party founder and leader Ron wrote a two-part series in the New Jersey Spew. The first of which was published December 17 and titled, "Madder Max: The Cat Lady and My New Dog." The second installment was published Tuesday and titled, "Feline Jihad: The Cat Lady, Part II." In his commentary, Ron said the strays fed by a "neighborhood cat lady" have brought filth and disease to his home, and...
Posted by Bittle at December 19, 2007