Tattoo You!

Jersey City, New Jersey, November 13, 2007: A man accused of kicking an argument with his neighbor up a notch by removing his shirt to reveal a two-word expletive tattoo faces 90 days probation and a $100 fine. Josh Kaminski pleaded guilty on Monday to a summary charge of disorderly conduct. Neighbor Ron -- a presidential candidate running on the Ronatarian Party ticket -- said he asked Kaminski if he could keep the noise down following a rowdy party. Ron said Kaminski cursed, bared the expletive tattoo on his chest, kicked Ron's famed Camaro, and motioned as though to...

Halloween 2007

Happy Halloween 2007 from the Ronatarian Party!...

Shots Heard Round the World

Madison, Wisconsin, October 29, 2007: Wisconsinites can forget about getting free shots of liquor at their local grocery store. Gov. Jim Doyle (Dem.) vetoed that provision of the new state budget Friday before signing the new two-year spending plan at a ceremony at the University of Wisconsin-Madison's student union. A provision slipped into the budget at the last minute would have allowed up to 1.5 ounces of liquor to be handed out free. "To me, it's absurd that you walk into a grocery store and start taking shots," Doyle said. "That's where the Democrats and I disagree," said Ron...

Finger (Took a) Lickin'

Kearny, New Jersey, October 25, 2007: A little goofing off during a break from campaigning led to a time-consuming, embarrassing ordeal for an area politician. Authorities said the man got his right middle finger stuck in an oval-shaped hole of a cast-iron picnic table outside a Wal-Mart. Ronatarian Party presidential candidate Ron was stumping outside the mega-store when he decided to take a rest at the picnic table. That's when -- while apparently simulating a sex act by using his hands -- his finger got caught in the table. Employees tried in vain to help Ron get free before...

Toilet Snake

Jersey City, New Jersey, October 18, 2007: There was no Halloween bogeyman in the closet for one New Jersey man -- just a 7-foot-long python in his toilet. Presidential candidate Ron was trimming his mustache in his bathroom Tuesday night when he glanced back and saw the slithering serpent peeking out from his toilet, most of its body hidden in the pipes. "I turned on the light and screamed bloody murder," Ron told the New Jersey Spew. "That f*cker was huge! At first I thought Brad hadn't flushed...It still makes my heart race." Brad is Ron's house- and ticket-mate...