Monster Mashing

Lloyd, New York, October 16, 2007: A woman says a strange naked man attacked her inflatable Halloween lawn display of three ghosts and a giant pumpkin, then apparently smashed his head through her window in a fit of rage. State Police said officers found drunken world enigma N8 inside Dawn Garcia's house in the Hudson Valley town of Lloyd on Monday evening. Officers arrested N8 after a brief struggle and charged him with burglary. Garcia told the Middletown Times Herald-Record she heard hollering and swearing and looked outside to see N8 struggling with the giant pumpkin. "He was enraged....

From A-Hole to Zebra

Jersey City, New Jersey, October 10, 2007: Perpetual presidential candidate Ron says a zebra has been visiting his home and he almost has the photograph to prove it. Ron, who lives in a suburban Jersey City neighborhood, said his running mate Brad starting whimpering and he went outside to see what was causing the disturbance. A zebra was trotting down his driveway. It was wearing a ripped Lehigh University sweatshirt. He ran to get his camera because he knew no one would believe him. Unfortunately, the camera was not loaded with film. "I should have gotten my gun instead,"...

Cough It Up

Jersey City, New Jersey, October 4, 2007: A seat belt saved a driver, police say, but not in the usual way. Ronatarian Party leader Ron was eating a fast-food sandwich Wednesday morning, said police Sgt. Doug Mozan. Ron choked and blacked out. His famous quasi-vintage Camaro then rolled and hit a dumpster. After the wreck, Ron came to. Mozan attributed his revival to a "seat-belt-induced Heimlich maneuver." Witnesses told police Ron got out of his car, and they asked if he was OK. "No, I'm not," he said, and collapsed again. Paramedics revived him and took him to the...

Star Struck

Weehawken, New Jersey, September 24, 2007: Movie star George Clooney and a female companion were injured this past weekend when their motorcycle collided with a car on a narrow road across the Hudson River from New York City. The 46-year-old actor suffered a broken rib and scrapes while his passenger, Sarah Larson, broke her foot in the afternoon collision. Clooney's spokesman Stan Rosenfield says both were treated and released from Palisades Medical Center in North Bergen, New Jersey. "He's doing fine," Rosenfield said. "He has a broken rib, it's very painful, and it'll take a long time to heal."...