Beyond the Grave

Allentown, Pennsylvania, August 10, 2006: A pallbearer is suing a DeRossett funeral home after he fell in a grave during a burial ceremony. Ronatarian Party leader Ron, according to the lawsuit filed in state district court, was serving as a pallbearer in May 2006 during the burial of a relative at Mickley Cemetery in nearby Whitehall. The funeral and burial were directed by Labium Memorial Funeral Home of DeRossett. Ron contends that while he and other pallbearers were attempting to place the casket of Ronislaw Walszak in a grave, the surface of the gravesite began to cave in, causing...

Roadside Manner

Moorestown, New Jersey, August 1, 2006: A flat tire was the first thing that went wrong for a Jersey City man on Monday. Ronatarian Party leader Ron pulled over on the New Jersey Turnpike and was searching for a tire-changing tool when a passing tractor-trailer apparently launched a rock in his direction, the New Jersey State Police reported. Attempting to elude the rock, Ron jumped toward his famed Camaro, struck his head on the rear window, and fell to the ground unconscious. Ron was admitted to a local medical center for observation. He was released after a few hours...

Lightning Ron

Jersey City, New Jersey, July 29, 2006: He's lucky to be alive. A New Jersey man who was hit by lightning has been suffering from headaches and chest pain, but is glad to be a survivor. Ronatarian Party founder and leader Ron was working in his yard on Friday. He had one hand touching his famed Camaro and the other holding a pole when the lightning hit, throwing him several feet. Ron says he was "rolling like I was on fire." He was slightly burned on his hands, chest, and forehead. His trademark mustache remained unharmed. Ron won't be...

Alphabits

Greencastle, Indiana, July 26, 2006: A letter-loving thief has police and business owners baffled after dozens of Ns, Os, and Rs were stolen from signs around the community. "We've lost our Rs. And we want them back," said Randall Jones, president of Headley Hardware. The weekend caper targeted gas stations, restaurants, repair shops, and medical offices in the city of 10,000 people about 40 miles west of Indianapolis. The thief also nabbed half a dozen Os from a lighted marquee in front of a National Guard post. "I don't know if they think it's a joke, but to me...