Beddy-Bye Brad

Jersey City, New Jersey, April 18, 2006: A man who tied himself to a foldaway bed because he was bored was rescued by police after becoming trapped in its mechanism, officials said on Monday. The man was later identified as Ronatarian Party higher-up Brad. Neighbors alerted police to the house in the working class neighborhood after hearing Brad's cries for help late on Sunday night. When police entered the upstairs bedroom, they found the bed had folded itself away and the red-faced man was tied upside down to it with a tow-rope and wire and unable to free himself....

Where the Water Flows Like Beer

Jersey City, New Jersey, April 4, 2006: Several men thought they were in heaven when beer instead of water flowed from the taps in their home. "I turned on the tap to clean some cheese knives and beer came out," Ronatarian Party leader Ron told The New Jersey Spew from the modest house. "We thought we were in heaven." Added Ronatarian higher-up and housemate Brad, "We just didn't know what to do with ourselves. We grabbed a bunch of buckets and called all of our friends to come over." No one came to the house. Ron said he tried...

Thrown Under the Bus

Newark, New Jersey, March 29, 2006: A transit bus driver grabbed a man by the hair, knocked his head into a pole, opened the door, and tossed him into traffic after he yelled at him for missing his stop, police said. The man -- identified later as Ronatarian Party leader Ron -- suffered scrapes and bruises, but nothing too serious. "I'm lucky to be alive," said Ron later. "That crazy f*cker tried to kill me!" Bus driver Robert Gipello, 53, was arraigned Tuesday on aggravated assault and other charges, said Officer Janice Russell, a police spokeswoman. He was being...

Bikini Assassins

Jersey City, New Jersey, March 15, 2006: A local political leader alleged a stripper and her friend beat and robbed him in his home. Ronatarian Party founder Ron said he was on his way out to the liquor store on Tuesday evening when exotic dancer Maureen Murphy, 25, knocked on his door and offered him a free strip-o-gram. Murphy said a friend had already paid for the show, police said. "I thought Brad had done something nice for me," Ron said in his statement to the police. When Ron agreed to let her perform, knife-wielding Richard Adams, 23, allegedly...