Tabooboo

London, England, March 8, 2006: Bars and nightclubs in London and other British cities have begun using vending machines that sell sex toys such as mini vibrators. The pink Tabooboo machines had previously been used in public toilets in Britain, under the assumption that such settings gave buyers some privacy. But Geoff Todd, manager of the Alphabet Bar in London's West End area, said the Tabooboo machine it installed in the middle of the bar is used daily. "Some people use it just because it's in the bar. Some make a special journey, maybe because they are to embarrassed...

Hit Me With Your Best Shot

Jersey City, New Jersey, March 1, 2006: A woman pleaded guilty Tuesday to attempted murder charges for trying to hire a hit man to rob and kill two men for what she thought was cocaine, but turned out to be cheese. Jessica Wilkes Booth, 18, hatched the plot after she visited the home of the men, and mistook queso fresco -- a white, crumbly cheese common in Mexican cuisine. The two men identified as the targets were Ronatarian Party heads Ron and Brad. Ron is an well-known cheese connoisseur and insists he has "never done hard drugs in my...

What a Pisser!

Jersey City, New Jersey, February 22, 2006: Ron wants to lower the penalties for public urination before the February 25 Mardi Gras Parade. Ron said his proposal would allow police to issue different citations for public urinators who try to be discreet than they might for those who are more open about it. "There's a difference between whizzing in the middle of the street, in front of God and country, and somebody who is behind a dumpster," Ron said. "I done 'em both, but that's irrelevant." Public urination is now classified as lewd and lascivious conduct, which carries a...

Un-Fortun-8

Jersey City, New Jersey, February 15, 2006: There is great embarrassment in your future, Ron. A box of X-rated fortune cookies was "mistakenly" delivered to a fundraiser hosted by the Ronatarian Party. Or were they? The 150 cookies stuffed with "the most graphically lurid" fortunes got mixed up with a batch of 1,500 cookies ordered for a Chinese New Year event, Ronatarian Party Fundraising Chairman Sir Isaac Butterworth said Tuesday. Some of the more demure guests "were stunned, to say the least." The annual event -- to raise money for the party's coffers and to buy beer -- was...