Brad Driver

Newark, New Jersey, February 9, 2006: A man who was stopped for driving erratically on the New Jersey Turnpike was distracted because he was looking at pornography, authorities said. Ronatarian Party higher-up Brad of Jersey City, could have been charged with felony reckless endangerment after motorist Deborah Dotson reported Wednesday afternoon that he nearly ran her vehicle off the road several times. State patrolman Tony "Too Big" Hall pulled over Brad based on Dotson's description. "When I made contact with the driver of the suspect vehicle, there were several pornographic magazines on the seat next to him," Hall said...
Posted by Bittle at February 9, 2006

Ice to See You

Trenton, New Jersey, January 24, 2006: When local politician Ron nipped into a New Jersey highway rest stop to "answer the call of nature" Monday morning, he had no idea how cruel nature could be. Off Exit 7A of the New Jersey Turnpike in Mercer County -- which has been experiencing cold weather and snow over the past few days -- Ron found himself trapped in the public toilet stall after the lock froze while he was inside. Unable to pry the door open, Ron was finally able to explain his predicament when someone occupied the stall next to...
Posted by Bittle at January 24, 2006

Sexsomniac

Trenton, New Jersey, January 19, 2006: The State of New Jersey plans to review a court decision that acquitted a man of sexual assault charges because he suffers from "sexsomnia" and was asleep at the time of the incident. The Attorney General's Office said on Wednesday it needs to research its options for an appeal because of the strange circumstances of the case. "This matter will be carefully considered to determine our next steps," said Brendan Fisher, a spokesman for the Attorney General. Ronatarian Party founder and leader Ron was acquitted of sexual assault charges on Tuesday because he...
Posted by Bittle at January 19, 2006

Tread Head

Jersey City, New Jersey, January 13, 2006: An aspiring politician had a lingering headache three days after a pickup truck ran over his head. "All I remember about it was that when the truck ran over my head, I could hear my bones crack," Ron said Thursday. Ron, the founder and leader of the radical Ronatarian Party, and his second-in-command Brad were helping their friend "Evil" Steve Bonadio chop and load wood on Sunday. The two men were sitting on the tailgate of Bonadio's truck when he began backing down his gravel driveway and Ron either fell or jumped...
Posted by Bittle at January 13, 2006