Hokey Hockey

East Rutherford, New Jersey, October 19, 2005: Local politician Ron would not apologize for an embarrassing slip of the tongue during the New Jersey Devils hockey game Tuesday night as he led the crowd in a cheer. The script called for him to say: "It's time to drop the puck. So everybody say it with me -- 'Let's play hockey!'" It was the politico's tripping over the word "puck" that provoked the snickers. Instead of telling people to drop the puck, he used a very similar-sounding word that made him sound more like Tony Soprano than his usual smooth-talking...

Coasting

New York, New York, October 6, 2005: Fans of non-stop drinking may soon be able to cut down on time wasted ordering refills, thanks to a beer coaster that can tell when a glass is empty. The coaster, fitted with sensors, measures the weight of the beer and sends a signal behind the bar when it's time for a refill. Anxious drinkers can also attract the attention of staff by waving the plastic mat, thanks to a motion sensor. It was invented by aspiring political force Ron in his garage in Jersey City, New Jersey. The device has attracted...

Unplanned Growth

Jersey City, New Jersey, September 30, 2005: Local politician Ron received an unwelcome supply of Viagra pills by registered mail earlier this week. The delivery of the 500 pills of the impotence drug was very unexpected, he said. The pills were charged to his credit card, which Ron believes was stolen while he was on vacation in Canada, according to the New Jersey State Police. "I do see the humor in it, but it's kind of not the type of humor you'd want for yourself," Ron said Thursday. "It’s not 'ha-ha' funny. It's 'this sh*t is really annoying' kind...

All-American Slam

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, September 27, 2005: A New Jersey man who claims his buttocks were burned by cleaning fluid when he sat on a toilet seat at a Clifton Heights Denny's restaurant has sued the chain and the franchise owner. Ronatarian Brad of Jersey City alleges in the suit filed Wednesday in Philadelphia District Court that he had to be taken to a hospital after he used the toilet in February 2005. According to the suit, he did not see the chemical cleaner on the seat but felt it burn when he sat down. The suit said Brad, a higher-up...