Snake Bitten

Jersey City, New Jersey, April 15, 2004: The large trees section at a Lowe's store looks a lot like a forest, but customers don't expect to see dangerous fauna living in the flora. A customer rummaging through the trees at a Lowe's store here was bitten on the hand by an 18-inch eastern diamondback rattlesnake, a company spokeswoman said Wednesday. "The gentleman thought he had hit his hand on a thorn but they discovered it was a snakebite," said Chris Ahearn, a spokeswoman for the Mooresville, N.C.-based hardware chain. The man was later identified by hospital personnel as 2000...

Brad in Drag

Jersey City, New Jersey, April 7, 2004: A candidate for U.S. Vice President rejected calls to withdraw from the race after photos of him in women's clothing began circulating. Ronatarian Party #2 man Brad said he "will not succumb to blackmail" from opponents who are trying to use "very old, personal information" to force him out of the race. "Now my opponent is using the private information in an attempt to intimate that I am a homosexual, which I am not," Brad said in a statement Tuesday. His "opponent" apparently seems to be multi-time presidential candidate Lyndon LaRouche. LaRouche...

Fire in the Pants

Hoboken, New Jersey, March 25, 2004: A passenger on a New Jersey Transit train suffered slight burns to his right leg yesterday when his pants were set on fire by a red-hot hair clip stuck into the heater under his seat, officials said. Heaters on the trains are underneath the bench-type seats, behind a grate. The incident, which transit veterans said might be unprecedented, unfolded about 12:30 p.m. aboard a Hoboken-bound train, when the man noticed his pants ablaze. The man was later identified as Ronatarian Party founder and presidential candidate Ron. Transit personnel were alerted, and Ron was...

Double Whammy

Jersey City, New Jersey, March 23, 2004: A man in his mid 30s was struck by a slow-moving train as he walked home from a strip joint, and then a car slammed into the ambulance that was to take him to the hospital. The man escaped both accidents with minor injuries. Identified as Ronatarian Party founder and presidential candidate Ron, the injured man was treated at a hospital for cuts, bruises, and a sprained finger before being released. No damage to his world famous mustache was reported. Officials said Ron -- part of a brash political movement based in...