C'Est Ron!

Montpellier, France, March 17, 2004: A Frenchman was convicted for trying to run over a pedestrian he mistook for American politico Ron. The 35-year-old, identified as a struggling artist named Pierre, was sentenced Tuesday by a court in this southern France city to a three-month suspended prison term and ordered to pay euro500 ($615) to the victim, who was unharmed. The man's lawyer, David Mendel, said his client was traumatized by last week's terror attacks in Madrid and was temporarily the "victim of a hallucination," while driving Monday through Montpellier's historic center. The victim, a mustached man in his...
Posted by Bittle at March 17, 2004

Tossed Salad

Jersey City, New Jersey, March 15, 2004 Talk about leaving a bad tip at the restaurant? The severed tip of a restaurant worker's thumb was found in a customer's salad. New Jersey Health Commissioner Bill "Beans" Franks said an employee at The Feed Bag in Jersey City was chopping lettuce at about 7 p.m. Friday when he cut off a part of his left thumb, including part of the fingernail. Employees at the restaurant searched for the tip of his finger, but could not find it. The area was cleaned and sanitized, but the lettuce was placed in the...
Posted by Bittle at March 15, 2004

I-Ron Maiden

New York City, New York, March 11, 2004: Iron Maiden offered its sympathy to fans whose concert experience was ruined by a beer over the weekend. Iron Maiden manager Ron Smallwood said on the band's Web site "some idiot" on the mezzanine of their show in New York "thought it was a good idea to chuck his beer into the air rather than down his throat." The beer landed below on the mixing board. It blew out several channels and kept the band from playing any encores. Smallwood said the band felt "gutted" about the incident and he thanked...
Posted by Bittle at March 11, 2004

Poor Mr. Snuggles

Jersey City, New Jersey: March 10, 2004 A politician was shaken and scalded Tuesday after his mobile phone exploded beside him while he was sleeping, a local New Jersey paper reported. Ronatarian Party vice presidential candidate Brad said he was recharging his cell phone and placed it on his bed near him before he took a nap. Three hours later, he was jarred awake by what he described as a small explosion. "The explosion scalded my buttocks, while there were burn marks on the mattress, the wall, and on Mr. Snuggles my teddy bear," Brad told The New Jersey...
Posted by Ron at March 10, 2004