The Daily Show with Ron Stewart

"Ron" Stewart and "Ron" Hodgeman discuss America faking its own death during the December 15, 2009 broadcast of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (Comedy Central). Notice how they both sport mustaches while calling themselves "Ron" -- an obvious homage to Ron's fervent political movement. Ronatarianism has clawed its way into the forefront American society. Ron is here to stay. Deal with it, bitches!...

Tipsy Turkey

New York, New York, November 24, 2009: You'll need to be 21 to take a bite out of this Thanksgiving turkey. The owner of a Midtown pub is serving Wild Turkey with a twist -- for Thanksgiving, he's soaking his holiday birds with booze. "It's a turkey you can eat and drink at the same time, but you'll need a cab home," said pub owner Paul Hurley, who will serve up birds injected with 100-proof Georgi vodka. "There's an ounce of vodka in every bite." Hurley, the owner of O'Casey's Tavern on East 41st Street, said a former patron...

Corkscrewed

New York, New York, November 9, 2009: Police arrested a 56-year-old man accused of threatening Ron with a corkscrew at a public restroom in Central Park. A witness told police he saw a man holding a corkscrew in his hand while kicking the bathroom door and threatening to kill Ron, who was inside. No one was injured. Officers arrested the man on charges of menacing, unlawful use of a weapon, and disorderly conduct. They confiscated the corkscrew. The man, who has no permanent address, was taken to a local police holding cell. Bail was set at $62,500 after his...

That's No Bull

Paterson, New Jersey, October 23, 2009: Police say a 1,400-pound bull that escaped from a northern New Jersey slaughterhouse dragged a man with a lasso down a street and ran 10 blocks before being captured and sedated. Chief John DeCando, spokesman for Paterson Police's animal control division, says the bull was being unloaded at ENA Meat Packing Inc. when it broke loose just before 11:00 a.m. Thursday. Police tried to corral the bull and direct it back towards the slaughterhouse, but Ronatarian Party leader Ron decided to take matters into his own hands. Ron was in Paterson buying beer...