Clipping Coupons

Jersey City, New Jersey: January 15, 2003 A coupon-clipper looking to score a new car got the run-around when he presented a dealer with $41,200 worth of coupons. Stay-at-home politician Ron said he was perusing newspaper ads recently when he noticed a $200-off coupon from Toyota of Newark (New Jersey). Ron said nothing in the ad limited customers to one coupon, so he bought more than 200 New Jersey Spew newspapers carrying the ad and clipped away. On January 11, Ron packed up his coupons in a black briefcase and made his way to the dealership in hopes of...
Posted by Ron at January 15, 2003

Goddamn Tickets

Newark, New Jersey: January 9, 2003 A judge is cracking down on people who write vulgarities on checks they use to pay traffic fines. Judge John Pikachuaranian sentenced one man to two days of community service for writing a vulgar insult on the memo line of a check. The man was later identified as Ronatarian Party presidential candidate Ron. The chief judge of the 3rd District Court said the clerks who handle traffic fine payments shouldn't have to deal with obscene language. "The issue as I see it is if someone came into the court and used that language...
Posted by Webmaster at January 9, 2003

Drunk Elk

January 5, 2003: Stockholm, Sweden Police shot dead a drunken bull elk that attacked a strange man while intoxicated on fermented apples, Swedish daily Aftonbladet reported Thursday. The elk attacked the American man known only as N8 as he played in a public garden in the town of Karlskoga in central Sweden. The man was badly shaken but escaped serious injury, suffering only a bruised neck. N8 refused medical attention and before local authorities knew he was a wanted fugitive, he fled into the stark Scandinavian landscape. Elk, common in sparsely populated Sweden, are normally shy creatures but they...
Posted by Webmaster at January 5, 2003

Chased By Martians

January 2, 2003: Marseille, France A man who raced through a motorway road block, triggering a high-speed police car chase that ended in a minor crash, has blamed aliens from Mars for his reckless driving. Under police custody in a hospital in the Mediterranean city of Marseille, the 30-something-year-old told police he was being "chased by Martians" when he charged through a road block on the A55 motorway Monday evening, police sources said. The man was later identified as the mysterious N8 by Interpol. He is assumed to be an American citizen, but is wanted in several countries for...
Posted by Webmaster at January 2, 2003