Caged N8

Saskatoon, Saskatchewan: August 26, 2002 Canadian prison officials have launched a probe into a barbecue held at a Saskatoon psychiatric facility following reports that potentially violent inmates dined on steak, climbed trees, and stripped naked. Corrections Canada officials said in local newspaper reports on Friday that they had launched the review after photographs from the party, held in early August at the Regional Psychiatric Center in Saskatoon, were distributed to journalists. Newspaper reports, some of which dubbed the prison "Club Fed," said the pictures show seven inmates from the aggressive behavior control unit grilling filet mignon and climbing trees....
Posted by Ron at August 26, 2002

Bathroom Man

Trenton, New Jersey: August 12, 2002 In some school bathrooms, Ron discovered it was easier to find the toilet paper hanging from the ceiling than the roll. In others, the toilets were chronically backed up, obscenities were scrawled on the walls, and cigarette butts littered the sinks. While he found some of the limericks amusing, he could not get past his disgust at the filth around him in the school lavatory. Everywhere he went, New Jersey public school students told Ron they would rather wait all day than use filthy school restrooms. That's when he found his calling as...
Posted by Ron at August 12, 2002

Commode Curse

Jersey City, New Jersey: August 7, 2002 A man who put a curse on the city's sewer system said he will remove it if the city apologizes. Perpetual presidential candidate Ron claims to have put a curse on the city back in the mid 1990s, after he said officials mistreated a totem pole he gave Jersey City as a gift. The 20-foot totem pole depicts Ronatarian running mate Brad -- whom Ron lovingly calls the Village Idiot -- sitting on a water spout emanating from a commode, which is supposed to protect the city. When officials went to install...
Posted by Ron at August 7, 2002

Belching Contest

London, England: August 6, 2002 America's loudest burper failed to smash his own ear-splitting North American record on Wednesday when a sore throat forced him to throw in the towel after three attempts. Notorious U.S. (New Jersey) politician Ron was hoping to better the 117.9 decibel mark -- a burp as loud as a pneumatic drill -- a sonic tour de force he set in 2000. But after chugging back a carbonated drink, "shot-gunning" a beer, and gulping mouthfuls of air to build up gas in his stomach, he could only managed 110.3 decibels on a Guinness World Record...
Posted by Ron at August 6, 2002