October 30, 2013

Poem

Life is constantly screwing with me.
The day before yesterday, it gave me
lemons. Yesterday it gave me tequila.
Then today it gave me Splenda.
WTF am I supposed to do with Splenda?

(Marco C.) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at 12:36 AM

October 24, 2013

Poem

I bet it pisses off the Lenape Indians when
they see how many beads drunk girls get
at Mardi Gras just for showing their tits.

(Anthony Myers) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at 10:00 AM

October 14, 2013

wRONg Way

Jersey City, New Jersey, October 14, 2013:

Police in New Jersey are investigating an accident in which the driver claimed his GPS told him to ignore the end of a road and to drive straight into a house, seriously injuring two people in the car.

It happened early Saturday morning where [redacted] meets [redacted] in Jersey City. The exact location has been withheld to protect the owner of the home -- politico Ron. Ron insisted to authorities not to divulge his address to "keep away the loonies who pester me night and day to run for President in 2016."

Ron's previous Presidential runs in 2000, 2004, 2008, and 2012 have garnered less that 0.1% of the popular vote.

Ron continued: "And now this [expletive] goes and drives right the [expletive] into my [expletive] house. I know it's a [expletive] accident, but [expletive] come on! ...I've got political strategies to develop. I don't have time for this [expletive]."

Traffic engineers designed the intersection so that you can either turn left or right onto [redacted].

But faced with that choice in the dark and foggy early morning hours, the motorist told police he followed his GPS.

"The driver went straight," said Capt. James Ryan, a police spokesman.

The driver not only missed the end of the road, but also went through the stop sign without stopping, traveling 100 feet before hitting the house, according to the police report.

The driver's wife and 13-year-old daughter, who were not wearing seat belts, were seriously hurt with head and neck injuries.

His son was also in the car but was not seriously injured.

In reporting the accident, Ryan's email said, "This stuff really happens."

Posted by Bittle at 09:46 AM