Staredown

Jersey City, New Jersey, May 10, 2008:

A prosecutor has dropped charges against Ron, who was arrested for staring at and making faces at a police dog.

"Prosecuting a man for 'staring' at a police dog is absurd," said Ron's lawyer. "People are allowed to make faces at police dogs and officers to express their disapproval. It's constitutional expression," said attorney Andrew Sepe, who represented the Ronatarian Party founder and leader.

Ron was charged with cruelty to a police animal and resisting arrest after a March 31 incident in Jersey City in which police were called to a market to investigate a report of a brawl. They were approached by Ron, who told one officer he had been assaulted the day before by one of the men involved.

Ron asked Jersey City Police Sgt. Todd Paternoster to take his statement but he refused, telling him he smelled like alcohol and was drunk but that he would take his statement at another time.

After a heated exchange, Ron approached Paternoster's cruiser, where his dog Alex was waiting, putting his face within inches of the window and "staring at him in a taunting/harassing manner," Paternoster wrote in an affidavit.

"While the defendant taunted my canine, Alex was focused on the defendant and the perceived threat he presented to him," the affidavit said. "He was no longer focused on me and the other officers at the scene."

Officers arrested Ron, adding the resisting arrest charge because he pulled his arms and upper body away during the arrest. He registered 0.21 percent blood-alcohol content on a breath test, more than twice the legal limit for drivers in New Jersey.

On Friday, three days before Ron was to go to trial, Hudson County State's Attorney Will Porter decided to drop the charges, after viewing a videotape of the incident over the weekend.

"I think it was going to be difficult to prove his conduct changed the dog's behavior," Porter said. "Most of the time (in harassment cases) people would come tell the court what it felt like. Dogs can't do that."

Without the cruelty charge, jurors would be unlikely to convict his on the resisting arrest, Porter said. "We'll be watching this Ron guy, that's for sure," he added. "He's a loose cannon."

Posted by Bittle at 10:02 AM | Comments (0)

Poem

I wonder if the clothing and shoe
factories of Southeast Asia ever
have "Take Your Parents to Work Day."

(Paul B.) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at 06:21 AM

Poem

I wonder why Mexico makes such a big
deal about Cinco de Mayo. I mean,
who *hasn't* defeated the French?

(John "Schmitty" Schmidt) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at 08:04 AM

Poem

Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle is very
well named. Despite my physics professors
having explained it to me dozens of times,
I'm still not sure what it's all about.

(Paul B.) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at 11:23 PM

Black and White and Read All Over

Jersey City, New Jersey, April 30, 2008:

Balloons apparently were boring. A man returning home from a campaign whistle stop tour in the Midwest found his home completely wrapped in newspaper.

"As soon as the headlights hit the house it was like, 'What the [heck] happened?'" said Ronatarian Party presidential candidate Ron. "I've never seen anything like this before. I can't say I'm too happy about it either. [Expletive]"

Ron and his running mate Brad returned from the Omaha airport about 9:30 p.m. Tuesday to find the unusual welcome home decorations.

The pranksters were Ronatarian Party volunteers, left behind in New Jersey due to self-imposed budgetary restrictions by the party. They volunteered to remove the newsprint. It took three hours to wrap the house.

"Some of these [guys] have too much free time on their hands," Ron said. "I'll put a stop to that. I'll crack skulls if I have to."

Posted by Bittle at 08:04 AM | Comments (0)

Poem

Man, they are so strict at my new job.
It's constantly: "No personal calls,"
"Don't surf the Web," "Put your pants back on."
I mean, who can work in an environment like that?

(Brad Wilkerson) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at 09:04 AM

Eric Byrnes

From the articles below, it is obvious that 32-year-old Arizona Diamondbacks left fielder Eric James Byrnes supports Ron's 2008 presidential bid.

Phoenix, Arizona, April 20, 2008:

Eric Byrnes has a simple explanation for his 14-game hitting streak.

"My mustache," Byrnes said.

The idea came from a mustache party Byrnes attended in the offseason, when he had 10 days to grow one from the time of a dinner at the White House to the party. Rumor has it that the party was hosted by Ronatarian Party presidential candidate Ron in his New Jersey home.

Byrnes figured since he could grow a "presentable" mustache in 10 days for the party, that would give him a goal to shoot for.

"I knew if I could hit in 10 straight, just something to get me going at the beginning of the year, get a little visible mustache growing, that would be great," Byrnes said.

Byrnes last shaved before Arizona's fourth game of the season at Colorado. He scraped out a hit per day to get it started before recording multiple hits in four of his next five. He's hitting .362 during the streak.

His teammates have joined the party, as Chris Burke told Byrnes on the third day that he would start growing a mustache in support if Byrnes extended his streak to 10 games.

Bench coach Kirk Gibson is growing one as well, and pitcher Dan Haren has said he will not shave until he loses a game.

Byrnes' streak appeared to be in jeopardy Saturday when he went 0-for-2 with a pair of walks and was scheduled to hit eighth in the eighth, which looked like it could be the last inning for Arizona to hit, being up 4-3.

But the D-backs scored six runs in that inning, including a two-run double from Byrnes to extend the streak.

"I was all prepared to shave it last night, and a small miracle happened where eight guys went to the plate and I got that last at-bat," Byrnes said. "It would have been tough to lose it on an 0-for-2 and a couple walks, but oh, well. It's something to have fun with."

As for what would happen if Byrnes comes anywhere close to a DiMaggio-esque streak? "I'll be looking like a walrus," Byrnes said.

-----

Phoenix, Arizona, April 22, 2008:

In two minutes, Eric Byrnes' 17-day mustache was history. Not that it is gone for good. "I'm declaring 2008 the year of the mustache," said Byrnes, who wore the growth during his 14-game hitting streak but shaved immediately after going 0-for-4 Sunday.

"It was a good run. It'll be back; you guys have not seen the last of the 'stache," he said. 'I'm going with the 'stache all year. I actually was starting to like it. It was starting to grow on me. I will have a 1970s porn 'stache the entire year."

Byrnes was 21-for-62 (.339) with eight doubles during his streak, which began April 4 in Colorado. It is the fourth-longest streak of his career.

Posted by Bittle at 08:02 AM | Comments (0)