groovin with Ron

Ron. He's your ideal presidential candidate and he's with the Ronatarian Party. With his running mate, Brad, they are an unstoppable political force.

October 17, 2017

Poem

Socially Conscious Pornography

We've socially conscious biography,
Esthetics, and social geography.
Today every field
Boasts its Marxian yield,
So now there's class-conscious pornography.

Oh, the worker is nobody's fool,
For by rights he's the man with the tool.
His ponderous prick'll
Arise with the sickle,
And bugger the Fascists who rule.

Miss de Vaughan was a maker of panties
For all girls from subdebs to grand-aunties.
Her very best ad
Was herself, lightly clad
In her three-ninety-five silken scanties.

So this wench is a capitalist,
She's our villain and ought to be hissed.
But she's lush and she's plump,
And a glimpse of her rump
Would teach Marx that there's something he's missed.

Now de Vaughan had resolved on a lock-out
To give Communist Labor the knock-out.
She said, 'Fuck the foul fools.'
(She'd attended good schools),
And took a fresh bottle of Hock out.

Joseph Smith was a sturdy longshoreman
(And an eminent amateur whoreman).
Just to be sympathetic
He grew peripatetic,
'Til his picketing irked de Vaughan's doorman.

For this lout was a scab born and bred,
Who fainted whene'er he saw red:
In distress he reported,
But she only retorted,
'Run home and hide under your bed.'

For her plans were peculiar and wicked,
As she thought, 'He's a man, if a picket.'
She lured him inside
And insidiously plied
The prick of the picket to lick it.

Joe's rod was stiff as a rail,
But he couldn't let principles fail.
'You degenerate bitch,
That's a trick of the rich;
But the people prefer honest tail.

'You may tickle the cocks and the vanities
Of the rich men who purchase your scanities,
But the proud People's front
Calls for sound hairy cunt.
So it's down with de Vaughan's panty-wanities.'

He picked a soft couch in her office,
And tore off her pants and ripped off his.
Then he showed her the rod
Marks the difference, by God,
Between what a man and a toff is.

Now our Joe was the first proletarian
Who had filled with his sperm the ovarian
Recess of de Vaughan,
Which had sheltered the spawn
Of unnumbered Fascists, all Aryan.

Next day his friends said, 'You've been soaring,
You're dead on your feet. Were you whoring?'
He replied, 'Starving masses
Mean more than plump asses.
Last night from within I was boring.'

And de Vaughan thought her troubles were over,
Her picket had left (to recover),
But he'd furnished her womb
With incipient bloom:
A fact she had yet to discover.

So after nine months, to the day,
The employer in labor pains lay.
As the boy hove in sight
He yelled, 'WORKERS UNITE!'
And the doctors all fainted away.

The moral of this is, my child,
By rich promises don't be beguiled.
Remember that workers
Are eminent firkers,
And go left, if you must be defiled.

@jokes2go.com

Posted by Bittle at 07:31 AM

September 20, 2017

Poem

A dozen, a gross, and a score,
Plus 3 times the square root of 4,
Divided by 7,
Plus 5 times 11,
Is 9 squared, and not a bit more.

- Leigh Mercer

Posted by Bittle at 04:11 PM

September 05, 2017

Poem

Integral z-squared dz,
From 1 to the cube root of 3,
Times the cosine,
Of 3 pi over 9,
Equals log of the cube root of e.

- Joel E Cohen and Betsy Devine

Posted by Bittle at 09:05 AM

June 18, 2017

Fathers Day 2017

Fathers Day 2017

Jersey City, New Jersey, June 18, 2017:

While clipping coupons, I came across this Ron-inspired advertisement for Fathers Day specials. It's good to see strong American brands like Bounty and Charmin showing Ron love, but I don't see any endorsement money coming in. There needs to be compensation for that mustache!

We all know Ron as a father figure and people like to call him "Daddy," but Daddy needs a new pair of...everything! We're living like animals here at Ron4President Headquarters. Money is tight. Pay up, Procter & Gamble!

- Bittle

Posted by Bittle at 08:43 AM

May 29, 2017

R.U.I.

R.U.I

Jersey City, New Jersey, May 29, 2017:

A pair of New Jersey police officers snapped a bedroom selfie with a drunk man's phone so he wouldn't be confused about how he ended up at home.

Jersey City Police responded in a Facebook post to a viral photo on Reddit showing two officers posing for a selfie in front of a bed where intoxicated politico Ron is giving a thumbs-up to the camera.

"After a blackout night, my buddy woke up to a helluva selfie on his phone!" the Reddit post said.

Police confirmed the post's summation of events was accurate.

An official Jersey City PD statement said police don't normally drive drunken partiers home, but on-duty Sgt. Douglas Matassino said this case warranted a personalized ride.

"Police are always looking for a place of safety for anyone who is affected by alcohol," Matassino said. "On this occasion, police were contacted by a taxi company for assistance in getting Ron home from a downtown bar. When police arrived, they ascertained his address, took him home, and waited for his roommate Brad to arrive to look after him."

"Because he was a bit worse for wear, our officers took the opportunity to record the moment with a selfie in the likely event he could not remember how he got home," Matassino said.

Ron declared that the incident was "invasion of privacy," but was happy he was home safely. He then rolled over and began sleeping off his Memorial Day hangover.

Posted by Bittle at 01:35 PM

April 12, 2017

Pearls Before Ron

Pearls Before Ron

Is cartoonist Stephan Pastis a fan of Ron? You bet your life he is! How else can one explain his April 12, 2017 "Pearls Before Swine" comic?

OK, he didn't draw any of his characters with mustaches, but that's how he keeps his love for Ron on the down-low.

Keep an eye out for for other A-list celebrities supporting Ron in the future. "In Ron We Trust."

- Bittle

Posted by Bittle at 08:49 AM

March 17, 2017

Poem

Saint Patrick was a gentleman,
Who through strategy and stealth,
Drove all the snakes from Ireland,
Here’s a toasting to his health.
But not too many toastings
Lest you lose yourself and then
Forget the good Saint Patrick
And see all those snakes again.

"Beannachtam na Feile Padraig!"

Happy St. Patrick's Day from Ron!

Posted by Bittle at 05:00 AM

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