groovin with Ron

Ron. He's your ideal presidential candidate and he's with the Ronatarian Party. With his running mate, Brad, they are an unstoppable political force.

June 30, 2014

Poem

I figured nothing says "Thank you"
like a few nude photos. Apparently,
though, the priest who married us
would have preferred a simple card.

(Lori Petterson) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at 10:26 AM

June 20, 2014

Stachifier

Stachifier

June 20, 2014:

You met a person. Let's say it was a woman. You were drunk. She looked good to go. You hooked up. She took you to her place. Things got kinky. You didn't bother to wear a condom. You woke up and slipped away before dawn. You got home. You showered. You patted yourself on the back and forgot about it after telling the story to your buddies.

Nine months later there's a phone call. "A blood test? For what!?! Who's calling? How'd you get my number? Oh, the police..."

It happened. You're a father. You have a baby. Yep...it's yours...no getting out of it. Thankfully, it's a male. But will it become the right kind of man when it matures? Here's how you lock that down: Stachifier.

The Stachifier. Buy it. Make your baby look like a strapping man -- like Ron. You owe it to your son. All sons deserve it. You're responsible in molding your boy into a man and this is the first step. Do it already.

- Bittle

Posted by Bittle at 10:29 AM | Comments (0)

May 12, 2014

Poem

In honor of National Limerick Day:

An old porn star named Ron from Bayside
When asked of his skills, thus replied:
'Tis not the length or the size
Nor the angle of rise
But the delight of the mustache ride

Posted by Bittle at 09:35 AM

May 02, 2014

Poem

Mustaches come in a variety of ways
Some date back to even pre-historic days
Just clinging to the lip or all over the chin
They adorn an otherwise ordinary grin!

Posted by Bittle at 11:28 AM

April 30, 2014

Poem

If they had taught abstinence back
when I was in school, I would've aced
it and screwed up the grading curve

(Anthony Myers) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at 01:04 PM

March 29, 2014

You Should Consider Having Sex With a Bearded Man

I am Ron, and I endorse this message.

Posted by Ron at 12:41 AM

February 25, 2014

Poem

Maybe if we made kids color inside
the lines instead of allowing this
expressionist BS, they'd be able to
park in a space when they grew up.

(R.M. Weiner) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at 09:57 AM

ron4president.com