groovin with Ron

Ron. He's your ideal presidential candidate and he's with the Ronatarian Party. With his running mate, Brad, they are an unstoppable political force.

June 18, 2017

Fathers Day 2017

Fathers Day 2017

Jersey City, New Jersey, June 18, 2017:

While clipping coupons, I came across this Ron-inspired advertisement for Fathers Day specials. It's good to see strong American brands like Bounty and Charmin showing Ron love, but I don't see any endorsement money coming in. There needs to be compensation for that mustache!

We all know Ron as a father figure and people like to call him "Daddy," but Daddy needs a new pair of...everything! We're living like animals here at Ron4President Headquarters. Money is tight. Pay up, Procter & Gamble!

- Bittle

Posted by Bittle at 08:43 AM

May 29, 2017

R.U.I.

R.U.I

Jersey City, New Jersey, May 29, 2017:

A pair of New Jersey police officers snapped a bedroom selfie with a drunk man's phone so he wouldn't be confused about how he ended up at home.

Jersey City Police responded in a Facebook post to a viral photo on Reddit showing two officers posing for a selfie in front of a bed where intoxicated politico Ron is giving a thumbs-up to the camera.

"After a blackout night, my buddy woke up to a helluva selfie on his phone!" the Reddit post said.

Police confirmed the post's summation of events was accurate.

An official Jersey City PD statement said police don't normally drive drunken partiers home, but on-duty Sgt. Douglas Matassino said this case warranted a personalized ride.

"Police are always looking for a place of safety for anyone who is affected by alcohol," Matassino said. "On this occasion, police were contacted by a taxi company for assistance in getting Ron home from a downtown bar. When police arrived, they ascertained his address, took him home, and waited for his roommate Brad to arrive to look after him."

"Because he was a bit worse for wear, our officers took the opportunity to record the moment with a selfie in the likely event he could not remember how he got home," Matassino said.

Ron declared that the incident was "invasion of privacy," but was happy he was home safely. He then rolled over and began sleeping off his Memorial Day hangover.

Posted by Bittle at 01:35 PM

April 12, 2017

Pearls Before Ron

Pearls Before Ron

Is cartoonist Stephan Pastis a fan of Ron? You bet your life he is! How else can one explain his April 12, 2017 "Pearls Before Swine" comic?

OK, he didn't draw any of his characters with mustaches, but that's how he keeps his love for Ron on the down-low.

Keep an eye out for for other A-list celebrities supporting Ron in the future. "In Ron We Trust."

- Bittle

Posted by Bittle at 08:49 AM

March 17, 2017

Poem

Saint Patrick was a gentleman,
Who through strategy and stealth,
Drove all the snakes from Ireland,
Here’s a toasting to his health.
But not too many toastings
Lest you lose yourself and then
Forget the good Saint Patrick
And see all those snakes again.

"Beannachtam na Feile Padraig!"

Happy St. Patrick's Day from Ron!

Posted by Bittle at 05:00 AM

February 27, 2017

Hindquarters

Hindquarters

Jersey City, New Jersey, February 27, 2017:

Jersey City Police answered a strange call from Ronatarian Party founder and leader Ron early Sunday morning that has them howling at the moon. According to police reports, Ron was bitten by his roommate's dog, but thought the sharp pain was something else.

Apparently, Ron's #2 Brad asked the repeatedly failed presidential candidate to dogsit while Brad went to Key West over the weekend. While heavily intoxicated in his home (alone), Ron felt a sharp pain in his buttocks. Having forgotten that Snookums was in his room led to Ron thinking he had been shot by a firearm.

The event shook him so much that he called the Jersey City Police Department. The New Jersey Spew published the JCPD's report/opinion of the incident:

"To quell the rumor concerning a reported shooting today, I want to offer this brief explanation. We responded to a report of a shooting at a local home. Officer Cox arrived on scene first and was flagged down by a mustached male who stated he believed he'd been shot in the left buttock while in his room.

"During the course of the investigation, it was determined that the 'victim' had been drinking copious amounts of Mad Dog 20/20 as a thunderstorm passed through the area. The loud thunder scared the dog ... causing it to nip the 'victim' in the left buttock. He believed he'd been shot and subsequently called the police. He was treated at the scene by EMS and released."

When asked to make a statement, Ron said "that damned mutt got spooked by thunder and took a piece out of my ass!"

This is not the first time the JCPD has been called to Ron's house for an odd occurrence. "Frankly, we're sick of these repeated shenanigans," said a police official who wished to remain anonymous.

Posted by Bittle at 11:14 AM

February 07, 2017

Poem

Violets are blue
Roses are red
We're doing this backwards
That's what she said!

@hexjam.com

Posted by Bittle at 11:46 AM

January 20, 2017

Inauguration Day 2017

Wink_mustache.jpg

Happy Inauguration Day 2017 from the Ronatarian Party! Remember that you "the People" didn't vote for Ron and put an non-mustachioed spray-tanned buffoon in the White House.

Don't blame us!

Posted by Bittle at 07:54 AM

ron4president.com