May 30, 2008

Mustached President

Dover, Delaware, May 30, 2008:

In a nod to Ron's love of reenacting Civil War events, W. Reily Brown Elementary pupil Zack Windsor, 10, dressed up as Union Gen. Ulysses S. Grant on Thursday. The costume was for the school's outdoor history lesson and political awareness rally. Students dressed up as current and historical political figures and then gave talks about themselves in a historic context. Grant was elected the 18th president of the United States, and served two terms -- from March 4, 1869 to March 4, 1877. Ron is hoping to be elected president this November.

When asked to comment on the New Jersey politician's current run for the White House, Windsor said he thought Ron's mustache was "cool" and that he'd "vote for him if [he] was old enough."

Posted by Bittle at 08:53 AM

May 27, 2008

Ron Progress

This poster by Shepard Fairey shows that even the heavy political figures are looking to Ron for inspiration and hope. Rumor has it that Barack Obama was once a Ronatarian.

Posted by Bittle at 07:18 AM

May 23, 2008

Poem

If Earth is really just a grain of sand
in the universe, I'll bet we're stuck in
God's Speedo and we're driving him nuts.

(Brad Osberg) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at 07:47 AM

May 21, 2008

Mr. T's Birthday Endorsement

I pity the fools who don't support Ron in the upcoming 2008 presidential election! It's my birthday today and your gift to me should be full-on backing of Ronatarian Party candidate Ron. Don't make me hurt you, fool! Enough jibba-jabba...vote for Ron, crazy fool!

Posted by Bittle at 07:43 AM

May 19, 2008

Hit and Ron II

Newark, New Jersey, May 19, 2008:

A driver has been charged with leaving the scene of an accident with injuries after her car hit a bicyclist who was in the road waiting on an ambulance to treat him for injuries after being hit by another car.

Shannon Harris of Patterson (N.J.) turned herself in to investigators Sunday night after initially leaving the scene of the accident, said Lance Cpl. Jessica Hires, a spokeswoman for the New Jersey State Police.

The bike rider, who was identified as Ronatarian Party leader Ron, was in stable condition at Garden State Medical Center, Hires said. Luckily, Ron's trademark mustache was not damaged in the incidents. He was not wearing a helmet and his bike lacked proper lighting, Hires said.

Ron was hit first by a Nissan driven by Erin Hartness of Newark, Hires said. No charges were filed in that case.

While he was waiting in the road for an ambulance, Ron was hit by the second car, whose driver stopped for a moment before leaving the scene.

Ron's injuries should not compromise his presidential campaign. He is expected to be released from the hospital this morning.

Posted by Bittle at 08:08 AM

May 14, 2008

Riding Bitch

New York, New York, May 14, 2008:

A New Jersey man is suing JetBlue Airways Corporation for more than $2 million because he says a pilot made him give up his seat to a flight attendant and sit on the toilet for more than three hours on a flight from California.

Ronatarian Party presidential candidate Ron of Jersey City, says in court papers the pilot told him to "go 'hang out' in the bathroom" about 90 minutes into the San Diego to New York flight because the flight attendant complained that the "jump seat" she was assigned was uncomfortable, the lawsuit said.

Ron was traveling on a "buddy pass," a standby travel voucher that JetBlue employees give to friends or desperate political candidates, from New York to San Diego on Feb. 18, and returned to New York on Feb. 23, the lawsuit said.

Initially, Ron was told a flight attendant had taken the last seat on the plane, but then he was advised she would sit in the employee "jump seat," meaning he could have the last seat, the lawsuit said.

The pilot told him 1 1/2 hours into the five-hour flight that he would have to relinquish the seat to the flight attendant, court papers say. But the pilot said that Ron could not sit in the jump seat because only JetBlue employees were permitted to sit there, the lawsuit said.

When Ron expressed reluctance to go sit in the bathroom, the pilot, who was not named in the lawsuit, told him that "he was the [expletive] pilot, that this was his [expletive] plane, under his [expletive] command that [expletive] Ron should be [expletive] grateful for being on board," the lawsuit said.

When the aircraft hit turbulence and passengers were directed to return to their seats, but "the plaintiff had no seat to return to, sitting on a toilet stool with no seat belts," court papers say.

Some time later, a male flight attendant knocked on the restroom door and told Ron he could return to his original seat, court papers say.

Ron's lawsuit, filed Friday in Manhattan's state Supreme Court, says JetBlue negligently endangered him by not providing him with a seat with a safety belt or harness, in violation of federal law.

"They didn't even send in a stewardess for me to...join the 'Mile High Club' with," Ron said in a prepared statement. "I thought I would at least get some action if I was stuck in the can all that time."

A JetBlue spokesman declined comment on the lawsuit Tuesday.

Posted by Bittle at 08:30 AM

May 10, 2008

Staredown

Jersey City, New Jersey, May 10, 2008:

A prosecutor has dropped charges against Ron, who was arrested for staring at and making faces at a police dog.

"Prosecuting a man for 'staring' at a police dog is absurd," said Ron's lawyer. "People are allowed to make faces at police dogs and officers to express their disapproval. It's constitutional expression," said attorney Andrew Sepe, who represented the Ronatarian Party founder and leader.

Ron was charged with cruelty to a police animal and resisting arrest after a March 31 incident in Jersey City in which police were called to a market to investigate a report of a brawl. They were approached by Ron, who told one officer he had been assaulted the day before by one of the men involved.

Ron asked Jersey City Police Sgt. Todd Paternoster to take his statement but he refused, telling him he smelled like alcohol and was drunk but that he would take his statement at another time.

After a heated exchange, Ron approached Paternoster's cruiser, where his dog Alex was waiting, putting his face within inches of the window and "staring at him in a taunting/harassing manner," Paternoster wrote in an affidavit.

"While the defendant taunted my canine, Alex was focused on the defendant and the perceived threat he presented to him," the affidavit said. "He was no longer focused on me and the other officers at the scene."

Officers arrested Ron, adding the resisting arrest charge because he pulled his arms and upper body away during the arrest. He registered 0.21 percent blood-alcohol content on a breath test, more than twice the legal limit for drivers in New Jersey.

On Friday, three days before Ron was to go to trial, Hudson County State's Attorney Will Porter decided to drop the charges, after viewing a videotape of the incident over the weekend.

"I think it was going to be difficult to prove his conduct changed the dog's behavior," Porter said. "Most of the time (in harassment cases) people would come tell the court what it felt like. Dogs can't do that."

Without the cruelty charge, jurors would be unlikely to convict his on the resisting arrest, Porter said. "We'll be watching this Ron guy, that's for sure," he added. "He's a loose cannon."

Posted by Bittle at 10:02 AM

May 08, 2008

Poem

I wonder if the clothing and shoe
factories of Southeast Asia ever
have "Take Your Parents to Work Day."

(Paul B.) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at 06:21 AM

May 05, 2008

Poem

I wonder why Mexico makes such a big
deal about Cinco de Mayo. I mean,
who *hasn't* defeated the French?

(John "Schmitty" Schmidt) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at 08:04 AM

May 04, 2008

Poem

Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle is very
well named. Despite my physics professors
having explained it to me dozens of times,
I'm still not sure what it's all about.

(Paul B.) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at 11:23 PM