Poem

Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish, and he'll eat for a lifetime.
Get a man hammered on Jagermeister at the company
holiday party and you can talk him into eating
tropical fish from the reception room aquarium.

(Tristan Fabriani) @ruminate.com

Poem

5> Family visit!
Mulling whether to dress up
or open a vein.

4> "Legolas" my ass!
Get back to your workstation,
stupid little elf.

3> I drum for Mistress.
My reward: "Come," she tells me.
Pa-rum-pa-pum-PUM!

2> "Reindeer games," you say?
Stop picking on Rudolph NOW,
you reindeer bullies!

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Holiday Season Haiku...

1> Maxed out my credit,
children still hated their gifts.
Shalom! Now we're Jews!

Poem

You won't find the answers to life's
problems at the bottom of a bottle. You
get to them through the opening at the top.

(The Covert Comic) @ruminate.com

Poem

Whenever people say "If you're going to
move to a new country, learn the language!"
I just stay quiet. I would say something, but
I don't know the Cherokee word for "irony."

(Carl Knorr) @ruminate.com

Poem

My wife wasn't too thrilled to open her Bible and
discover penciled-in Commandment 7a: "(However, when
thou art traveling on business, thou shalt heed the
sage advice of My musical apostle, Stephen Stills.)"

(Mark D. Sabien) @ruminate.com

Poem

This is a poem for Elvis,
Do you remember the man, who was no idler in moving his pelvis?
He rolled and he rocked,
But by his sudden death the whole world was shocked.

I think, he's a fool, I'm sorry to say,
But nobody as successful as him should die this way!
He asked "Are you lonesome tonight?"
And walked in "Kentucky Rain", oh, how we cried!

But Elvis also was the King of Rock and Roll.
He sang "Jailhouse Rock" -- just wonderful!
This is the tribute, of a young and humble fan,
I'm going to visit his grave as soon as I can!

- Marissa Conrady

Poem

That was cool, huh huh
when we killed that frog, huh huh
it won't croak again

- Butt-Head

Poem

If I ever open my own business, it'll be
a hybrid between a massage parlor and a
sperm bank. I mean, why waste the byproduct?

(Lori Petterson) @ruminate.com

Poem

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
I wouldn't, however, suggest doing the same
for those times when life gives you shit.

(Abhishek Aiyar) @ruminate.com