This is some of Brad's favorite poetry. We'd like to thank Ruminate.com for giving us permission to continue publishing a lot of the brilliant poetry found here.

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Poem

They told us all to bring gag gifts
to the company Christmas party.
Suffice to say, I'm the only one who
did his shopping at Bondage Boutique.

(Dan Thompson) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at October 30, 2006

Poem

I was excited to overhear my wife telling
the yard man she wanted him to groom her
landing strip the Brazilian way, because
I didn't even know she owned an airport!
But what the hell does he need my razor for?

(D. Callahan) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at October 24, 2006

Poem

Word to the wise: Even the must understanding
wife won't forgive a spur-of-the-moment fling
if you have it professionally videotaped.

(Joseph Moore) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at October 21, 2006

Poem

It's so easy to blame others -- which
is one of the reasons I enjoy doing it.

(Bill Muse) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at October 10, 2006

Poem

For me, failure is not an option.
It comes standard with everything I do.

(Wiley) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at October 2, 2006

Poem

Well, according to those killjoys
over at PETA, there's apparently
no right way to eat a Rhesus.

(Sebastian P.) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at September 28, 2006

Poem

Now that the pope has pissed off
all the Muslims, I assume he'll
be going after us Catholics next.

(Tidewater Joe) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at September 24, 2006

Poem

There's no shame in a man's weeping the bitter yet
life-embracing tears of universal sorrow -- especially
when he's just walked gonads-first into a doorknob.

(Lev L. Spiro) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at September 19, 2006

Poem

"Stalin" by Osip Mandelstam

We live, deaf to the land beneath us,
Ten steps away no one hears our speeches,
But where there's so much as half a conversation
The Kremlin's mountaineer will get his mention.
His fingers are fat as grubs
And the words, final as lead weights, fall from his lips,
His cockroach whiskers leer
And his boot tops gleam.
Around him a rabble of thin-necked leaders -
fawning half-men for him to play with.
They whinny, purr or whine
As he prates and points a finger,
One by one forging his laws, to be flung
Like horseshoes at the head, the eye or the groin.
And every killing is a treat
For the broad-chested Ossete.

Posted by Bittle at September 15, 2006

Poem

If I'm really supposed to have learned
everything I needed to know in kindergarten,
I'm guessing I must've been out sick on
"How to stiff a hooker and not get the
crap kicked out of you by her pimp" day.

(Tim Grebos) @ruminate.com

Posted by Bittle at September 13, 2006

Poem

I think I sent in the wrong coupon.
Instead of adding inches to my penis,
I grew a sea monkey on it.

(Jerry L. Embry) @ruminate.com

Posted by Ron's Dentist at September 10, 2006
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