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Q: Does Ron think the Mayas accurately predicted the end of the world to come on December 21, 2012? If so, what does he plan to do about it?

A: The simple answer -- i.e. the one Brad understands -- is no. Ron does not believe the Mayas had a solid enough dialog with Itzamna, the chief deity of their religious pantheon, plus an accurate enough time-recording system to pull off a prognostication like this one. "It's absurd," Ron once said. "Only a simpleton like Brad would believe this kind of hokum. We humans will be fine and dandy for at least another thousand years or so. F*ck the Mayas!" So, what to do with this new (extended) perspective on life? How should we of the modern age...
Posted by Bittle at December 31, 2011

Q: Does Ron's mustache make him more likely to commit crimes?

A: Short answer: No. Short answer with more letters: Maybe. Look, Ron's mustache is not captured by this simplistic graphic. Ron's mustache is unique to itself. It is an entity. It cannot be quantified. We know Ron has the capacity to love and drink beer and want to change the world for the better. But we are also aware of Ron's many foibles and propensity to lash out in anger. This chart is more for the casual mustache person. A man -- or perhaps an Eastern European woman -- can gauge his potential tendency to do good or evil....
Posted by Bittle at November 9, 2011

Q: If Brad falls in the woods, does he make a sound?

A: This question has vexed philosophers since Socrates wondered if when he drank wine whether his wife made too much noise? Ontologically, Brad's fall creates vibrations of air molecule that ears detect and people interpret as "sound" or "noise." The eternal question has been, if there is no one around to detect the vibration molecules, is any noise created? In this case, Brad hears his own fall, and thus he makes noise. However, if Brad was pushed over by Evil Steve, then Brad's fall sounds more like a "thump." There is also the question of whether Brad's fall makes not...
Posted by Webmaster at October 10, 2000

Q: Is it true that Ron has secretly been the lover of Hillary Clinton, and that is why she doesn't care that her husband is a *@&%!#@ @$^*!?g?

-- Charles Manson Leavenworth A: You've confused this Ron with Ron Howard, formerly "Richie" on the hit TV series "Happy Days". Ron would never ally himself with the Biblical Whore Of Babylon...
Posted by Webmaster at September 7, 2000
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