Q: If Brad falls in the woods, does he make a sound?

A: This question has vexed philosophers since Socrates wondered if when he drank wine whether his wife made too much noise? Ontologically, Brad's fall creates vibrations of air molecule that ears detect and people interpret as 'sound' or 'noise.' The eternal question has been, if there is no one around to detect the vibration molecules, is any 'noise' created? In this case, Brad hears his own fall, and thus he makes noise. However, if Brad was pushed over by Evil Steve, then Brad's fall sounds more like a 'thump.' There is also the question of whether Brad's fall makes not...

Q: Is it true that Ron has secretly been the lover of Hillary Clinton, and that is why she doesn't care that her husband is a *@&%!#@ @$^*!?g?

-- Charles Manson Leavenworth A: You've confused this Ron with Ron Howard, formerly "Richie" on the hit TV series "Happy Days". Ron would never ally himself with the Biblical Whore Of Babylon...

Q: Is it true that Ron's upper lip was horribly disfigured in a horrible childhood accident involving Popsicles, a ferret, three snakes and a box of spiders? Could you enlighten us on this issue? Inquiring minds want to know.

A: Yes. Although this sounds like an ordinary urban legend, it's completely true. He has lived with this disfiguring "scar" ever since he joined that Civil War Society back in '87. The incident happened in his tent at Gettysburg while he was waxing his legs before the big battle....

Q: What is the sound of one Ron clapping?

A: Ron feels that applause is beneath him. He considers it self-inflicting manual labor. He avoids it at all costs. But he does appreciate being on the receiving end of clapping. His rallies are testaments to that...the people love him! They show their love through applause, alcohol, and the tossing of undergarments....

Q: Why is it that every single place I go smells like boogers?

A: Check your mustache. If you're not careful about grooming and pruning, it will get caked all over with boogers. Logically, since your plumage is located right below your nose, and your nose is a source of boogers, you will smell these boogers all the time if it is not properly upkept....