Hindquarters

Jersey City, New Jersey, February 27, 2017: Jersey City Police answered a strange call from Ronatarian Party founder and leader Ron early Sunday morning that has them howling at the moon. According to police reports, Ron was bitten by his roommate's dog, but thought the sharp pain was something else. Apparently, Ron's #2 Brad asked the repeatedly failed presidential candidate to dogsit while Brad went to Key West over the weekend. While heavily intoxicated in his home (alone), Ron felt a sharp pain in his buttocks. Having forgotten that Snookums was in his room led to Ron thinking he...
Posted by Bittle at February 27, 2017

Inauguration Day 2017

Happy Inauguration Day 2017 from the Ronatarian Party! Remember that you "the People" didn't vote for Ron and put an non-mustachioed spray-tanned buffoon in the White House. Don't blame us!...
Posted by Bittle at January 20, 2017

Face Full of Flatulence

Jersey City, New Jersey, November 2, 2016: Farting leads to problems. Big problems. And no one knows that more than Ron. Remember that time when he forced an airplane to make an emergency landing? (See Fartinosis.) According to the New Jersey Spew, Ronatarian Party founder and leader Ron recently faced four counts of child cruelty after he allegedly walked up to a kid who was lying down and busted ass in his face. The boy was apparently reclining on the grass in a park when Ron approached him and let loose. It's unclear what relationship Ron has to the...
Posted by Bittle at November 2, 2016

Halloween 2016

Happy Halloween 2016 from the Ronatarian Party! Don't forget to vote!...
Posted by Bittle at October 31, 2016

Legging It

Jersey City, New Jersey, October 26, 2016: After leaving the Royale With Sleeze strip club on East Badaboom Drive, the leader of the Ronatarian Party fell out of his car while it was moving...and it ran over his leg, the New Jersey State Police said. The incident was reported to NJSP at about 2:41 a.m. Tuesday. NJSP said witnesses told them Ron did not appear to be intoxicated as he was leaving the club. Witnesses said Ron and his cohorts were discussing fiscal policy late into the night while flicking wadded-up dollar bills at the dancers. Early in the...
Posted by Bittle at October 26, 2016

Snake Bite

Jersey City, New Jersey, September 29, 2016: A New Jersey wanna-be politician is recovering from a bloody encounter with a 10-foot python that slithered through the plumbing of his home and latched its jaws onto his penis as he was using the toilet. Ronatarian presidential candidate Ron was smiling as television stations interviewed him in his hospital bed about the intimate intrusion, and doctors said he would recover. But photos of his blood-splattered bathroom in Jersey City were testimony to his ordeal. The 40-something politico told The New Jersey Spew that he struggled to remove the snake for 30...
Posted by Bittle at September 29, 2016