Silly Goose

Perth Amboy, New Jersey, February 20, 2018: A goose that plunged from the sky knocked a New Jersey hunter unconscious and sent him to the hospital. Famed political outsider Ron was flown Sunday to the Hackensack Meridian Health Raritan Bay Medical Center's Shock Trauma Center in Perth Amboy, according to New Jersey State Police. A two-man hunting party on the shores of Raritan Bay was in a blind shooting at a flock of geese. One that was shot in flight fell about 90 feet to the ground, hitting Ron directly on the head, Natural Resources spokeswoman Pamela White said....
Posted by Bittle at February 20, 2018

Last Jedi

Is Ron the last Jedi?! ...We all know he's our "only hope."...
Posted by Bittle at December 15, 2017

R.U.I.

Jersey City, New Jersey, May 29, 2017: A pair of New Jersey police officers snapped a bedroom selfie with a drunk man's phone so he wouldn't be confused about how he ended up at home. Jersey City Police responded in a Facebook post to a viral photo on Reddit showing two officers posing for a selfie in front of a bed where intoxicated politico Ron is giving a thumbs-up to the camera. "After a blackout night, my buddy woke up to a helluva selfie on his phone!" the Reddit post said. Police confirmed the post's summation of events was...
Posted by Bittle at May 29, 2017

Hindquarters

Jersey City, New Jersey, February 27, 2017: Jersey City Police answered a strange call from Ronatarian Party founder and leader Ron early Sunday morning that has them howling at the moon. According to police reports, Ron was bitten by his roommate's dog, but thought the sharp pain was something else. Apparently, Ron's #2 Brad asked the repeatedly failed presidential candidate to dogsit while Brad went to Key West over the weekend. While heavily intoxicated in his home (alone), Ron felt a sharp pain in his buttocks. Having forgotten that Snookums was in his room led to Ron thinking he...
Posted by Bittle at February 27, 2017

Inauguration Day 2017

Happy Inauguration Day 2017 from the Ronatarian Party! Remember that you "the People" didn't vote for Ron and put an non-mustachioed spray-tanned buffoon in the White House. Don't blame us!...
Posted by Bittle at January 20, 2017

Face Full of Flatulence

Jersey City, New Jersey, November 2, 2016: Farting leads to problems. Big problems. And no one knows that more than Ron. Remember that time when he forced an airplane to make an emergency landing? (See Fartinosis.) According to the New Jersey Spew, Ronatarian Party founder and leader Ron recently faced four counts of child cruelty after he allegedly walked up to a kid who was lying down and busted ass in his face. The boy was apparently reclining on the grass in a park when Ron approached him and let loose. It's unclear what relationship Ron has to the...
Posted by Bittle at November 2, 2016