...Damn Near Killed 'im!

New York, New York, May 18, 2010: A pedestrian claimed in a lawsuit that when he went to a hospital after being hit on the forehead by a falling wooden beam, emergency room staffers forcibly gave him a rectal examination. New Jersey-based politico Ron says in court papers that after he denied a request by NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital emergency room employees to examine his rectum, he was "assaulted, battered, and falsely imprisoned." His lawyer, Andrew Sepe, said he and Ron later learned the exam was one way of determining whether he had suffered spinal damage in the accident. Sepe said...

Feeling the Fire Down Below

Asbury Park, New Jersey, May 4, 2010: Two practical jokers are behind bars for setting their passed-out drinking buddy's crotch ablaze while boozing in Asbury Park. "Evil" Steve Bonadio and a man known only at "Step" pleaded no contest to a felony great bodily injury charge. Prosecutors say Step was sentenced to one year in prison and Bonadio got 45 days in Monmouth County jail. Ronatarian Party founder and leader Ron was passed out when the men poured cologne on his groin and set him on fire May 1. Ron had second-degree burns on his testicles. Political sidekick Brad...

Playing (with) Possum

Short Hills, New Jersey, April 27, 2010: Police say they initially charged a New Jersey man with public drunkenness after he was seen trying to resuscitate a long-dead opossum along a highway. State police Trooper Jamie Levier says several witnesses saw local politico Ron, of Jersey City, near the animal Monday along John F. Kennedy Parkway in Short Hills. The trooper says one person saw Ron kneeling before the animal and gesturing as though he were conducting a seance. He says another saw Ron attempting to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Levier says the animal already had been dead a while....

Tax Day Deductions

St. Louis, Missouri, April 15, 2010: It's time that mustached Americans got in on the stimulus money. At least that's the proposal being pushed by tax policy professor John Yeutter and the St. Louis-based American Mustache Institute. The group dubs itself "the world's only facial hair advocacy and research organization." On the eve of the deadline to file income tax returns, the professor and the AMI are pushing for a $250 annual tax incentive for people with mustaches. The funds would be used for mustache grooming supplies. The AMI said the current system "provides a disincentive for the clean-shaven...