Face Full of Flatulence

Jersey City, New Jersey, November 2, 2016:

Farting leads to problems. Big problems. And no one knows that more than Ron. Remember that time when he forced an airplane to make an emergency landing? (See Fartinosis.)

According to the New Jersey Spew, Ronatarian Party founder and leader Ron recently faced four counts of child cruelty after he allegedly walked up to a kid who was lying down and busted ass in his face.

The boy was apparently reclining on the grass in a park when Ron approached him and let loose. It's unclear what relationship Ron has to the unidentified boy.

Prosecutor Paul Anaconda described Ron's actions as "cruel and bullying," while Ron himself described the action as "play-fighting"

The boy took the stand and said, "I know he farted because I heard the noise ... He was right next to me and bending down. He was wearing shorts, his shorts were right next to my face."

The boy claimed he asked Ron why he did it, to which the local politico purportedly replied, "[I] wanted to be nasty."

Anaconda said the same type of incident among adults may be considered "horseplay" but said it's "highly inappropriate" when the victim is a child.

"I only gassed him one time and it wasn't on purpose," testified Ron, "How did I know that little [kid] was behind me?"

Of course, that’s not the way the kid saw it and he let everybody in the courtroom know just how bad Ron's air biscuits scarred him.

"I'm frightened for my future," said the tearful boy in his closing remarks.

But the judge ruled in in Ron's favor as he declared, "The evidence is only hearsay. It's a whisper in the wind."

Upon leaving the courtroom, Ron's lone statement to the press was: "Pull my finger!"

Posted by Bittle at November 2, 2016 10:11 AM