Fartinosis

Nashville, Tennessee, January 9, 2007:

It is considered polite to light a match after passing gas. Not while on a plane.

An American Airlines flight was forced to make an emergency landing Monday morning after a passenger identified as Ronatarian Party founder and leader Ron lit a match to disguise the scent of flatulence, authorities said.

The flight from Dallas to Newark (NJ) was diverted to Nashville after several passengers reported smelling burning sulfur from the matches and "a horrendous smell of busted ass," said Lynne Lowrance, spokeswoman for the Nashville International Airport Authority. Although pressure in the cabin did not change, oxygen masks were deployed for passenger relief.

"We had to breathe," said an unidentified female passenger on the flight. "That dude floated the mother of all air biscuits."

All 99 passengers and five crew members were taken off and screened while the plane was searched and fumigated with floral scents.

"It really stunk," said one passenger, who opted to remain anonymous. "It smelled like boiling hog fat was poured onto a rotting whale carcass."

The FBI questioned Ron who admitted he struck the matches in an attempt to conceal a "body odor," Lowrance said. He said he had an unspecified medical condition called "Fartinosis."

No such disease exists.

"It's humorous in a way but you feel sorry for Ron, as well," she said. "It's unusual that someone would go to those measures to cover it up, but I wouldn't put it past this guy."

The flight took off again, but Ron was not allowed back on the plane. He was not charged in the incident, but had to find his own way home to New Jersey.

Posted by Bittle at January 9, 2007 04:19 PM