Signs Of Ron

Trenton, New Jersey: July 17, 2003 Ron's signature is more legible than many -- it is just that it appears to be upside down. And this is a problem for the New Jersey Division of Motor Vehicles, which informed the Ronatarian Party founder on Tuesday that his signature was "unacceptable." Ron said a clerk told him he would not get a new driver's license until he agreed to sign it "right." Ron, of Jersey City, has refused, saying it should be up to him, not the DMV, to decide how he writes his name. "F*** 'em," he yelled. He...
Posted by Webmaster at July 17, 2003

Air Ducts

Dayton, Ohio: July 16, 2003 A man who told firefighters he was stuck two days in the air duct of a clothing store was rescued Monday and emerged wearing nothing but socks. The man, identified later only as "N8," told firefighters some people made him disrobe, then threw him into the duct, which is accessible from a roof vent. The people told him to steal from the store, the man said. Firefighter Scott Bennett said the store's owners directed him to a back storage room, where he heard a muffled voice coming from the duct. N8 said he was...
Posted by Ron at July 16, 2003

Computer Rage

Jersey City, New Jersey: July 14, 2003 An aspiring New Jersey politician, angry with his running mate's web surfing, faced possible charges on Monday after he threw a computer monitor out of a 3rd-story window, hitting a four-year-old girl below on the head, police said. A police official said the man, Ronatarian Party founder Ron, had gotten angry when he returned to his home/campaign headquarters in Jersey City on Sunday afternoon. His running mate Brad was playing an online computer game and failed to formally greet him, as Party rules stipulate. Later, when Brad declined to let him join...
Posted by Ron at July 14, 2003

Cow Kissing

Morgantown, West Virginia: July 8, 2003 A radical political party cashed in on a cow kissing contest this weekend. The Ronatarian Party assigned milk jugs to several members of this rural community. Party members and locals placed money in jugs of the person they most wanted to kiss a bovine, and the one with the most money in his jug won. Ronatarian vice presidential candidate Brad took the honors and puckered up Friday to smooch Sissy, a 3-year-old Hereford cow. "They called and asked if I would like to kiss a cow," Brad said. "It's a fun way for...
Posted by Ron at July 8, 2003