Hide-And-Go-Brad

Jersey City, New Jersey, December 11, 2006: A New Jersey man had to be rescued after becoming wedged in a washing machine while playing with his "nephews" on Tuesday. Ronatarian Party co-founder Brad had to be pulled from the 18-pound capacity machine by a local fire fighter after he became trapped while playing hide-and-seek. "I just hopped in there and couldn't even get the lid down and the kids came in and said, 'Ha, ha! We found you,'" Brad told the newspaper. The New Jersey Spew reported that Brad was playing the children's game with three boys "unrelated to...

Moonlighting

Jersey City, New Jersey, January 6, 2006: A Hudson County judge ruled Wednesday that the act of mooning is not illegal in New Jersey, clearing a man accused of indecent exposure after showing his buttocks to a neighbor during an argument. Judge John W. Debelius III said the defendant, Ronatarian Party leader Ron, committed a "disgusting" and "demeaning" act when he allegedly exposed himself to his neighbor and her 8-year-old daughter June 7, 2005. But the judge overturned an earlier decision by a District Court judge against Ron. "If exposure of half of the buttock constituted indecent exposure, any...

Buzzer Beater

West Orange, New Jersey, December 22, 2005 Perpetual also-ran Ron doesn't have a lot going for him. But he's got game. Ron, who has one of the lowest acceptance ratings of any New Jersey politician in history, won tickets to a New Jersey Nets game when he hit a half-court shot during halftime at a high school basketball game Wednesday. The crowd roared, and in his best ESPN-highlight impersonation, Ron dropped to one knee, pumped his fist, high-fived his running mate Brad, and chest-bumped a player from Solomon Sphincter High School. "I saw it was right on," he told...

Holding It In

New York, New York, December 20, 2005: Weezer lead singer Rivers Cuomo is continuing his celibacy past his self-declared deadline. The 35-year-old frontman earlier vowed to remain celibate for two years. Although that deadline expired six months ago, Cuomo still doesn't expect to jump back in the sack anytime soon. "It's been two and a-half years now, actually," Cuomo tells Blender magazine in its new issue, on newsstands Tuesday. "The vow is over, but I wanted to keep cruising." In a similar story, Ronatarian Party founder and leader Ron has been celibate for over three years now. Whereas Cuomo's...