Holding It In

New Jersey: May 1, 2002 A man desperate to relieve himself for two hours on a packed but toiletless train won $270 compensation for what a court called his torture. A Jersey City, New Jersey court ordered New Jersey Transit to pay the man, who walked uncomfortably through the modern high-speed train, stumbling over people sitting in the corridors, as he searched in vain for a working toilet. All the toilets on the Philadelphia to New York train were locked because there was no water for flushing. "The plaintiff had to torture himself with his urgent need for two hours because he could not find a free toilet," the court said in a written ruling. The man was identified as former Ronatarian vice presidential candidate Brad. His trip was later revealed as a "campaign type of thing" by a party spokesman. "It was wicked funny," said Jermaine Ducree, Brad's personal hairstylist and political adviser. "He had piss oozing down his leg. I think he was trying to keep a turtle head from poking out. Absolutely hilarious. You had to be there." The one working toilet was kept locked. A key witness in the case, a fellow passenger, gained access to it after pressuring a ticket inspector.

Posted by Webmaster at May 1, 2002 11:14 PM

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