Fish Fry

Jersey City, New Jersey, October 1, 2009: Authorities say local politician Ron -- who was burned up at his roommate Brad -- fried their pet goldfish and ate some of them. Jersey City police say it's a civil matter and no charges will be filed. The seven goldfish were purchased together by the duo during happier times. Police spokesman Vance Mitchell says Brad reported on Wednesday that Ron took the goldfish from his room. Mitchell says the two argued earlier about some wine coolers Ron had bought but Brad had drunk. Officers who were dispatched to the shared home...

Cannonball!

Jersey City, New Jersey, September 15, 2009: A New Jersey history buff who recreates firearms from old wars accidentally fired a 2-pound cannonball through the wall of his neighbor's home. William Maser, 54, fired a cannonball Tuesday evening outside his home in Jersey City that ricocheted and hit a house 400 yards away. The cannonball, about two inches in diameter, smashed through a window and a wall before landing in a closet. Authorities said nobody was hurt. The cannonball awoke the fired-upon neighbor from his post-happy hour nap. The neighbor, identified as Ronatarian Party leader Ron, said he was...

Lose Change

Jersey City, New Jersey, September 12, 2009: Police say three armed thieves stormed into a Jersey City home to steal a water jug full of loose change. Hudson County police said the masked suspects descended on the somewhat ramshackle home around 2 a.m. Friday. Outside they came across the enraged owner, Ron, who was returning from a night out on the town drinking. Police said the burglars roughed Ron up and berated his political positions before breaking in. Detective Sgt. Peter Paul Molloy said the bandits then went straight for an upstairs bedroom where the coins were kept in...

In a Pickle

Boston, Massachusetts, September 2, 2009: Talk about being in a pickle: A Massachusetts judge gave a New Jersey politician probation in a case that police said involved an assault with pickles. According to police reports, the pickle problems began when Ronatarian Party leader Ron was hanging out at his then-friend "Evil" Steve Bonadio's home in Stow on August 29. Ron went to the refrigerator and helped himself to some pickles. According to the report, Bonadio told Ron he couldn't afford to feed everyone and not to eat his pickles. Ron then began yelling and swearing and stormed out, according...