Deadly Words

February 14, 2002: Galveston, Texas A Texas jury on Wednesday found Thomas Mitchell guilty of aggravated assault for shooting his girlfriend because he thought she was about to say the words "New Jersey." His attorney unsuccessfully sought his exoneration on grounds that certain words set off an uncontrollable rage in Mitchell, who has a history of mental illness. Words that triggered a bad reaction in Mitchell included "New Jersey," "Lafayette," "Camaro" and "Ron," lawyer Maria Mercado told the court. When asked about the pointed parallels between Mitchell's "trigger words" and former presidential candidate Ron, Ronatarian spokesman and former vice...
Posted by Webmaster at February 14, 2002

Strip-O-Ron

January 28, 2002: New Jersey If Ron's mother were a stripper, business would be booming. Except that she is not. After months of lurid phone calls because of a mix-up with her mobile phone number and a strip-o-gram agency, she's had enough. Ron's mother, who lives somewhere in northern New Jersey, says her cellular telephone number was listed in a Yellow Pages advertisement for a Newark strip-o-gram service. She said she kept getting calls asking: "Can you take your clothes off? What type of bra have you got on? Have you trimmed Ron's mustache today?" "First of all I...
Posted by Webmaster at January 28, 2002

Lord of the Rons

January 21, 2002: The Shire The rest of the world may see box office smash "The Lord of the Rings" as a mythical tale of hobbits and goblins, but some young members of the Ronatarian Party hope to use the film to promote their political ideals. "We want to use the event as an incredible volcano to help people understand our view of the world," said vice presidential candidate Brad. Many Ronatarians see the 1,000-page tome by Britain's J.R.R. Tolkien as a celebration of their own values of physical strength, leadership, and integrity. The Ronatarians are taking a page...
Posted by Webmaster at January 21, 2002

Anything Goes

January 10, 2002: Singapore Burping, barfing, and body odor. Nothing is off limits at the "Grossology" exhibition in Singapore which gets up close and personal with the slimy, smelly science of the human body. "People don't talk about burps and farts and go into detail of how they work," said former U.S. presidential candidate Ron as he made a beeline for the interactive displays. "They don't teach us this at school in America." The squeaky-clean city state, which has long barred spitting and enforced fines for not flushing toilets, is the first foreign country to put on the show...
Posted by Ron at January 10, 2002