Mike's Hard Lemonade

Newark, New Jersey, September 19, 2005: A convenience store worker has admitted urinating into a soda bottle, causing a customer who drank from it to become violently ill, his bosses say. Publix Super Markets spokesman Dwaine Stevens said the accused employee -- Mike Watt -- who works at a Pix Convenience Store in Newark, was suspended after the company learned of the incident this week. An internal investigation is being completed. Lab tests done by Publix on the contaminated Mountain Dew confirmed the soda contained urine, Stevens said. The supermarket giant owns the Pix chain. "It is an isolated...

More Than One Way to Skin a Dead Cat

Newark, New Jersey, September 14, 2005: A inventor said he has developed a method to produce crude oil products from waste that he believes can be an answer to the soaring costs of fuel, but denied a local newspaper story implying he also used dead cats. Ron -- a politician, tinkerer, inventor and patent holder of the "RON 5000" that he said produces high quality fuel -- said he can transform waste products such as paper, garbage, and plastic materials into fuel. But Ron said there was no truth to stories published in The New Jersey Spew Tuesday and...

The Cable Guy

Jersey City, New Jersey, September 13, 2005: Ron said he got bounced around by his cable company when he called to complain. He made dozens of calls and was even transferred to a person who spoke Spanish -- a language he doesn't understand. But when he got his August bill from Comcast he had no trouble understanding he'd made somebody mad. It was addressed to "Scrotum Bag." "I was like you got to be fist-f*cking me," said Ron. "I was so mad I couldn't even f*cking cuss." Ron said the only thing he did to Comcast employees that might...

Home Invasion

Jersey City, New Jersey, August 29, 2005: Federal and state authorities are trying to determine how armed officers raided the wrong house, smashing doors and frightening residents earlier this week, a state police spokesman said Monday. "We are investigating what went wrong," said Sgt. Gerald Lewis Jr. "For some reason, whether it was erroneous information or supervision, we actually hit the wrong house." He said the address on the state search warrant was correct, but that the team of state police SWAT officers and Drug Enforcement Administration agents went to the wrong street and raided a home with the...