Shark Attack!

Sydney, Australia, March 15, 2007: A man who caught a 4-foot shark with his bare hands off an Australian beach said on Wednesday he only tried the feat because he was drunk on vodka. Vacationing American Ron was fishing off a jetty at Louth Bay, a town on South Australia state's Eyre Peninsula 870 miles west of Sydney, when he spotted the bronze whaler shark swimming in the shallows, the Australian Broadcasting Corp. reported. "I just snuck up behind him, and eventually I went for the big grab and I fluked it and got him," Ron said. "He was...

Ain't That a Kick in the Head

Jersey City, New Jersey, March 6, 2007: Two packages containing human body parts -- including a penis and part of a head -- meant for a medical research lab instead were delivered to a local residence. The body parts, sent from China, were mistakenly dropped off Monday at Ronatarian Party Headquarters by a DHL express driver who believed the bubble-wrapped items were pieces to a table. "Brad started to unwrap one and said, 'This is strange, it looks like a flaccid penis,'" Ronatarian leader Ron said. The second package contained most of a human head -- ears and all....

Call Mr. Plow

Jersey City, New Jersey, February 17, 2007: The wintry blast was a perfect opportunity for Ron to put his robot plow through its paces. For almost two years, Ron -- an engineer by education, but a career politician -- has often done snow clearing from the comfort of his living room, watching from the window as the converted golf cart with plow attachment clears his driveway while he operates the remote control. "It's funny, we'll see people look at it really strange, and my mentor will be standing in the window," said Ron's political and life companion, Brad. "It's...

Hot Neon

Newark, New Jersey, February 14, 2007: A wanna-be politician who reported that his car was stolen got a surprise when he learned a woman had mistaken it for her daughter's car and taken it -- using her key. Suzanne Shaw of Nutley became an accidental car thief when she went to pick up her daughter's car near an Essex County College building last week. Shaw spotted the tricked out Dodge Neon and used her daughter's key to unlock the car, start the engine, and drive home -- without realizing that the car wasn't her daughter's. When Ronatarian Party official...