Snake in the Gas

Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, September 20, 2007: A snake slithered out of the engine compartment of Ron's Camaro when he stopped to get gasoline, causing a bit of commotion at the station. The Ronatarian Party founder and leader was at a Wawa convenience store in the city on Wednesday morning when a woman at the gas pump next to him began yelling, police said. Ron thought nothing of the shouting, as women often scream in his presence. A boa constrictor more than 5 feet long was emerging from Ron's engine compartment, police said. It slithered out to the store's parking lot,...

Egghead II

Wilmington, Delaware, September 14, 2007: There was another Ron sighting in a foodstuff this week, and it was in Boothwyn, Pennsylvania, just across the Delaware line. As it happens, the seeds inside a couple's eggplant spell "RON." It's so remarkable to Paul and Felicia Testes that they've offered it for sale on eBay for $1,000, with bids accepted into next week. "God created that eggplant," Paul told a reporter. "He also put the seeds in that eggplant, and he guided my wife's hand to cut it where she did. God led her to Ron...it's a miracle!" Local church officials...

Ron's Hard About Lemonade

Sacramento, California, August 21, 2007: California regulators voted last Tuesday to raise taxes on "alcopops" -- flavored alcoholic beverages some say are packaged to appeal to youth and contribute to underage drinking. Maine has already made such a move, and other states are likely to follow, said Michael Scippa, advocacy director for The Marin Institute, a watchdog group. If Ronatarian Party presidential candidate Ron can help it, New Jersey won't be on that list. "It's preposterous to consider taxing these beverages," said Ron to a throng of sunbathers on Long Beach Island, New Jersey. "I mean, why make women...

Brake Failure

Newark, New Jersey, August 17, 2007: Yep. It was the brakes all right. A motorist whose brakes were "acting strange" and wanted them checked drove through the front window of a tire store when the brakes failed as he was pulling into a parking spot, Newark (N.J.) Police Officer Eric Hendrix said. No one was injured in the Thursday morning incident at a Les Pneumatiques tire store on McCarter Highway; although "six or eight feet of the car was inside the store," Hendrix said. The driver of the Chevrolet Camaro -- identified as Ronatarian Party leader Ron -- was...