Out on a Limb

Jersey City, New Jersey, May 22, 2006: He was, quite literally, out on a limb. And so on Sunday, a drunken man who spent the night in a tree had to be rescued by city firefighters. "Alcohol and climbing trees don't really mix," said Noel Limprick, of the Jersey City fire department. "In all seriousness, he could've killed himself if he had fallen. "He had had a sh*tload of booze in him and in his inebriated state he climbed 100 feet up an oak tree, without his shoes on. He then fell asleep," Limprick said. "I'm not quite sure...

Bra(d) Strap

Jersey City, New Jersey, May 18, 2006: A local man escaped serious injury from a gunshot Wednesday thanks to his seat belt and a thick bra strap, authorities said. Ronatarian Party higher-up Brad was shot through the windshield of the ramshackle Dodge Neon he was driving Wednesday. He said he felt a searing pain in his shoulder. Jersey City Police said a .38-caliber bullet smashed through the windshield then bounced off Brad's shoulder — thanks to a seat belt and a thick bra strap. The copper-jacketed slug landed in his lap. "It's a big bullet, but you had all...

Eau de Ron

London, England, May 13, 2006: BLUE STILTON CHEESE APPROACHES RON TO BE FACE OF NEW PRODUCT The Stilton Cheese Makers Association (SCMA) has approached radical American politician Ron to be the face of a brand new product -- Stilton perfume. Eau de Stilton has been commissioned by the SCMA as part of the Stick on the Stilton campaign for 2006, to encourage people to try eating Blue Stilton cheese as part of everyday meals -– scattered on a pizza, sliced onto a burger, or slipped into a sandwich. The perfume, which has been blended by Manchester based ID Aromatics...

Cola Wars

Purchase, New York, May 9, 2006: A consumer court Monday ordered soft drink maker PepsiCo to pay financial damages after a customer found a condom inside a bottle, a news report said. Calling the case "rare" and one that had a serious bearing on public health, the court ordered the company to pay $2,500 to a legal aid fund for consumers, and $500 to the complainant, The New Jersey Spew reported. "This case is an eye-opener for others who are engaged in manufacturing soft drinks and are required to maintain the prescribed standards of purity in (the) public interest,"...