Pasted

Newark, New Jersey, September 8, 2006: A New Jersey man took two men hostage at gunpoint, stripped them naked, bound their hands together with super glue, and poured glue into their mouths, police said Friday. Ryan Avila, 36, was arrested early Friday after releasing his hostages during the night. They were treated at the scene and released. The captives have been identified as Ronatarian Party higher-ups Ron and Brad. The motive behind the bizarre incident was unclear but police speculate a possible relationship among the three may have triggered Avila's behavior. "There was some kind of dispute there and...

Driving Me Crazy

Jersey City, New Jersey, August 25, 2006: A man who fell asleep in his driveway was rudely awakened when his roommate came home and turned into the driveway to park his car. Brad said he drove into the driveway shortly after midnight Thursday and heard a loud cracking sound, a Jersey City Police report said. When he got out of his pimped-out Dodge Neon, he heard moaning and found his roommate and boss, Ronatarian Party chief Ron, on the ground near his vehicle. Brad said he did not initially see Ron in the driveway. "Jesus!" Brad exclaimed. "He's gonna...

Flinging Poop

Jersey City, New Jersey, August 18, 2006: Thieves in New Jersey stole $60 from a man by throwing feces at him from behind and then pick-pocketing him while they pretended to help clean up the mess, authorities said Thursday. After withdrawing the money from an automatic teller machine for a beer run the man -- identified as Ronatarian Party leader Ron -- was struck in the back of the neck by what he described as human feces, police said. "Immediately afterwards two large women came up to him from behind and claimed they had seen someone excreting down onto...

Gr8 Disturbance

What happened? By Esteban Bittlestein, August 12, 2005 Although I do not consider myself a Jedi Knight -- one wise in the ways of The Force -- I felt a great disturbance in the space-time continuum today. As Obi-Wan Kenobi famously said, it was "as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced." Why? While recovering from my "episode," I caught wind of an unholy matrimony taking place on the West Coast of the United States. (I listen to the police scanner a lot.) Apparently, the Gr8 White N8 formed a covenant between himself...