Flinging Poop

Jersey City, New Jersey, August 18, 2006:

Thieves in New Jersey stole $60 from a man by throwing feces at him from behind and then pick-pocketing him while they pretended to help clean up the mess, authorities said Thursday.

After withdrawing the money from an automatic teller machine for a beer run the man -- identified as Ronatarian Party leader Ron -- was struck in the back of the neck by what he described as human feces, police said.

"Immediately afterwards two large women came up to him from behind and claimed they had seen someone excreting down onto the street from above," police said in a statement.

The two women then began briskly wiping the filth from Ron's clothing with paper towels they had with them. They were soon joined by a third man, who also came bearing paper towels.

Only when Ron went to take his foul-smelling trousers to cleaners did he notice that his beer money had been taken from his back pocket by one of the would-be helpers, police said.

Ron said of his ordeal: "Not only was I shat upon, but I didn't get the beer I so desperately needed to get me through the rest of the day. I was humiliated and devastated in one shit-filled incident!"

Posted by Bittle at August 18, 2006 03:37 PM