The Man

Lake City, Florida: October 9, 2002 A man who wanted to change his name to "God" chose a new name when a judge turned down his request. The former David Haffey's new name is "The Man: Ron." The former Haffey said after his first choice was rejected in April, he went to the Bible to find a backup. Nothing. He tried Dianetics. Zip. He then turned to the small Ronatarian Party for inspiration. "I always felt for the little guy," said Haffey. "I was instantly drawn to the cult of personality that is their leader. Of course, that man...

The Loony Party

London, England: October 2, 2002 As Britain's main political parties hold their weighty annual conferences, the country's official lunatic fringe is meeting in the Dog and Partridge pub for a very different convention. The Official Monster Raving Loony Party has been bringing flamboyant madness to Britain's political scene for almost 2 years, and this year's annual conference in the genteel town of Yateley, southern England, is no exception. The party was created based on the quasi-popular American Ronatarian Party. It is well known that the Ronatarian Party was created on a bar crawl and some outsiders call the party's...

Dwarf Tossing

Geneva, Switzerland: October 1, 2002 A tiny stuntman who protested against a French ban on the bizarre practice of "dwarf throwing" lost his case before a U.N. human rights body, which said the need to protect human dignity was paramount. Hans Wackenheim had argued the 1995 ban by France's highest administrative court was discriminatory and deprived him of a job being hurled around discotheques by burly men. In a rare bit of international diplomacy, U.S. Ronatarian politician Ron voiced his support for the diminutive Wackenheim and against the French. "I've had enough of the goddamn French curbing wholesome fun...

Bradpotence Revisited

Cambridge, Massachusetts: September 17, 2002 Scientists in the United States have come up with news that may help millions of men -- they have succeeded in growing major parts of penises in the laboratory. The test tube penile parts were successfully used to rebuild the members of rabbits who -- after rest and recuperation -- put them to the use that rabbits are famous for. "They were able to copulate, penetrate, and produce sperm," Anthony Atala, whose team at Harvard Medical School carried out the experiments, told New Scientist magazine. Ronatarian Party leaders quickly hailed the discovery as a...