Gay (Meaning Happy) Paris

Taipei, Taiwan, January 28, 2005: A Taiwanese spiritual leader said on Thursday he had used his magical powers to take an American politician on a tour of Paris without going there physically. The guru, Sung Chi-li, is famous for claiming that he can appear in more than one place at a time -- an effect he calls his "split body." Sung told reporters he took Brad, of the radical Ronatarian Party, on a "cosmos-roaming" tour of Paris, including a stop at the Eiffel Tower, during a gathering at another follower's home earlier this year. "It was no illusion," Sung...

Oil Crisis

Jersey City, New Jersey, January 26, 2005: In what police say was homage to the movie "Old School," carousing Ronatarian Party members were found in their headquarters' basement with an inflatable pool, a St. Bernard dog named Alex, a whole lot of baby oil, and women in bikinis. Police came upon the scene early Sunday after responding to a noise complaint. "Inside were several of America's future, re-enacting a scene from the movie 'Old School,' where females wrestle in a pool of lubricants," police Sgt. D. Gunter said. In their version, the radical political group apparently opted for baby...

Career Day

Jersey City, New Jersey, January 14, 2005: The principal of a Jersey City middle school may not invite a popular speaker back to an annual career day after he told girls they could earn a good living as strippers. Politician and Ronatarian Party founder Ron told eighth-graders at Nesbit Middle School on Thursday that stripping and exotic dancing can pay $250,000 or more per year, depending on their bust size. "It's true," Ron said in an interview later. "I'm not making this stuff up. The truth of the matter is you can earn a tremendous amount of money as...

Duck Hunt

Rogers, Arkansas, January 11, 2004: There's a reason Mom says to always have a fresh pair of underwear. A New Jersey-based politician learned this week that it's to attract rescue helicopters. Ronatarian Party founder and recent presidential candidate Ron found himself lost in the flooded backwoods of Bayou Meto this week while duck hunting with his friend's Labrador retriever, J.J. Walker. He only managed to make it out by tying his white briefs to the end of his gun barrel and waving them at an Arkansas State Police helicopter. Decked out in full camouflage hunting gear, Ron was practically...