The Munchies

Des Moines, Iowa: July 7, 2003 A woman bought a bag of potato chips at a convenience store but discovered more than munchies in the bag. Lois Campbell, 42, of Des Moines, opened the small sack of Uncle Ron's garlic-flavored chips Saturday and found another bag inside. "We were eating a few of the chips, and I was about to give some to a 3-year-old child," Campbell said. "I thought it was a little bag of seasoning inside. When I saw what it was, I called the police." A police report said the contents of the heat-sealed bag smelled...
Posted by Webmaster at July 7, 2003

King Of Poop

Los Angeles, California: June 30, 2003 Ronatarian Party leader/founder Ron stood up and made fun of pop musician Michael Jackson by dangling a baby doll over a hotel balcony. Ron also wore a surgical mask over his face Tuesday in an obvious swipe at Jackson, who dangled his baby, Prince Michael II, over a balcony railing in Berlin in November. Ron, who was staying at a Super 8 Motel in L.A., went further than Jackson by tossing the doll into the air and catching it with his teeth. "Ronpersonator," said a headline in the National Enquirer tabloid, which published...
Posted by Webmaster at June 30, 2003

UriN8ing Beetles

New Brunswick, New Jersey: June 25, 2003 A 30-something-year-old man has begun producing winged beetles in his urine after hatching the eggs in his body, a senior State of New Jersey medical official said Monday. Doctor Saul Rosenberg, Medical Director of Middlesex County where the man is currently residing, said doctors found the beetles while examining him for pain in the groin area. Through hospital sources, the name of the patient was revealed to be none other than world mystery man N8. "Doctors were really surprised to see the beetles," he told the media. "There are eggs of the...
Posted by Webmaster at June 25, 2003

The Sky Is Falling!

Long Island, New York: June 17, 2003 A Jersey City, New Jersey man won a suit against American Airlines alleging that one of the company's planes released two chunks of toilet waste, known euphemistically as "blue ice," onto the windshield of his car. After the chunks came crashing down and damaged his vehicle, third party presidential candidate Ron (Ronatarian Party) tracked down the plane - American Airlines Flight 1994 - and sued in small claims court. He received the court's ruling in the mail Friday. A judge ordered the airline to pay him $236 - almost the entire amount...
Posted by Webmaster at June 17, 2003