Skipping Stones

Franklin, Pennsylvania, October 8, 2008: A New Jersey man cast a stone that skipped on water a whopping 51 times, shattering the old world record of 40. Ronatarian presidential candidate Ron's feat happened September 6, where the Allegheny River meets French Creek in Franklin, about 70 miles north of Pittsburgh. He estimated his stone traveled about 250 feet. Before declaring him a record-holder, Guinness World Records experts analyzed film of Ron's toss, checking the concentric circles in the water by each skip. "I actually threw 40 stones that day, but that was the first skip that I threw," Ron...

Raging (Pit) Bull

Jersey City, New Jersey, October 6, 2008: A third party presidential candidate who was attacked by a vicious pit bulldog during a neighborhood walk choked the dog to death as he defended himself. Ronatarian Party founder Ron suffered bites on his arms and hands during the Sunday attack, which occurred shortly after Ron began his routine morning campaign walk to "press the flesh." Ron was treated at a local hospital, and the dog's owners could face misdemeanor charges, police said. Ron said he heard barking and readied himself when he realized the dog was coming for him. "I turned...

Dial 'R' for Ron

Jersey City, New Jersey, September 30, 2008: The candidate could chalk it up to tireless campaigning, but it may not win him any votes. Some 3,200 voters, including candidate Ron himself, were startled to get recorded campaign calls Monday from the presidential hopeful -- at 2 a.m. "First of all, I hate those recorded messages," said one recipient, Eileen Curinga of Hoboken. "But secondly, I didn't know whether this was sabotage or just stupidity. Either way, it's not right that somebody calls at 2 o'clock in the morning." Ron, the founder and leader of the radical Ronatarian Party, said...

Paper Chase

Neenah, Wisconsin, September 25, 2008: If two-ply toilet paper is good, then three-ply tissue must be better. At least that's what toilet-paper researchers in northeastern Wisconsin hope. Yes, there is such a thing as a toilet-paper researcher. And a team of them at Georgia Pacific's Innovation Institute in Neenah has come up with a three-ply version of its Quilted Northern product. The new product will be launched Monday. The company touts the toilet tissue as "ultra-soft" and says it plans to market the product to women 45 and older who view their bathroom as a "sanctuary for quality time."...